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Thread: Cat Person

  1. #31
    Member Garbage_Doll's Avatar
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    He strikes me as having a fearful avoidant attachment style, one of three major attachment disorder styles.

    Avoidant types often offer up just enough attention at first to get people hooked. They do a push pull that is an intermittent reward system. It’s how a young college girl would get infatuated with an older, sad, schlubby man. When he pulled back, she leaned in. Had he consistently pursued her, then she would have lost interest (not because that makes women lose interest, but because then it has to be accompanied by genuine emotional maturity).

    The difference between fearful avoidant and dismissive avoidant is, like anxious preoccupied types, fearful types have a conscious longing for intimacy. This mean internally they’re hyper sensitive and seeking excessive reassurance before they open up. This attachment style developed out of an ambivalence towards their caregivers....they both longed for them but couldn’t trust them because they caregiver was inconsistent. Their worst fear can manifest when they attempt intimacy though, as they often attracted people by being out of reach, and once they open up their emotional unhealthiness can turn people off.

    Supposedly only about 40% of people have an insecure attachment style, but I think it’s way more with the younger generations. It’s often “passed down” unless the parents resolve their attachment issues (they often don’t) so every generation will have more and more individuals who don’t have a secure attachment style.

    Secure individuals are often attracted to and pair off with other secure individuals because they’ll be turned off sooner than later by the emotional immaturity of the insecure styles. Nonetheless, I think when young anyone might become infatuated for a time with such a person still. A 20 year old is typically emotionally immature still, so it also says something for him to be drawn to someone who is not mature yet and will play out his pattern.

    Of course no one is doomed to an insecure attachment style for life, just as a secure style can become insecure with due to an adult trauma (i.e. a divorce).

  2. #32
    Utisz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    She did kiss him. Obviously after that it would have been weird for either of them to back out.


    Quote Originally Posted by MoneyJungle View Post
    Wrt the OP. I read it thinking it was nonfiction and found the guy's confidence wildly inconsistent. Obvious amalgamation.
    Yeah, I thought the same!! I also thought it was some nonfiction thing and thought that the two characters were a bit crudely drawn or inconsistent, particularly him (thinking it was based on her account). Reading it as fiction, it's like the writer needed to construct enough of a desirable male character for her attraction and semi-seduction to be relatable for the purposes of the story, but then later to have to turn him into something hideous (not just for her, but for the reader too). Maybe such a quick snap from being attracted and turned-on to being disgusted in that way is possible for women though, I dunno.

    In general, the sex thing (which is quite crucial) also feels really quite inconsistent ... it seems like an amalgam of several men the author had been with that she could feed into the story ... one minute he can't get her bra off and asking if she's a virgin and saying they'll go slow, the next he's throwing her around like a sex doll with "brusque efficiency" and talking dirty in her ear, then he's losing his boner repeatedly on top of her before he finishes with a rabbity burst ... though it's not like I'm an expert on having sex with men or on how men have sex in general, those things put together seem hard to reconcile. Anyways, maybe all that is not so important.



    The crux of the story seems to be the whole issue of male insecurity about sex and how that's perceived by women to the point that they would go along with sex acts for no other purpose than to avoid hurting the male ego. One could imagine how common that scenario is (and probably look at one's own sexual history and wonder).

    One could also wonder what to do about it. Probably the best direction would be to make us dudes less insecure about all that sex stuff, but ... well good luck with that.

  3. #33
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stigmatica View Post
    She'll get the hang of dating at 40 after 20 years of practicing, but by then will resign to just having cats instead.

    He'll end with a mail order bride that never consummates the marriage and dumps him as soon as she figures out the green card system.

    Happy ending for several dozen cats and one mail order bride! What a great story!


    Quote Originally Posted by Garbage_Doll View Post
    The difference between fearful avoidant and dismissive avoidant is, like anxious preoccupied types, fearful types have a conscious longing for intimacy. This mean internally they’re hyper sensitive and seeking excessive reassurance before they open up. This attachment style developed out of an ambivalence towards their caregivers....they both longed for them but couldn’t trust them because they caregiver was inconsistent. Their worst fear can manifest when they attempt intimacy though, as they often attracted people by being out of reach, and once they open up their emotional unhealthiness can turn people off.
    Good post. I thought this really described the background of the type I saw in him from the start (and which I've seen IRL).

    Quote Originally Posted by MoneyJungle View Post
    Wrt the OP. I read it thinking it was nonfiction and found the guy's confidence wildly inconsistent. Obvious amalgamation.
    Quote Originally Posted by Utisz View Post
    Yeah, I thought the same!! I also thought it was some nonfiction thing and thought that the two characters were a bit crudely drawn or inconsistent, particularly him (thinking it was based on her account). Reading it as fiction, it's like the writer needed to construct enough of a desirable male character for her attraction and semi-seduction to be relatable for the purposes of the story, but then later to have to turn him into something hideous (not just for her, but for the reader too).
    That's so weird, because this guy is so consistent with a type I am familiar with that I could have sworn she "cheated" by reproducing a personal experience with some poor bastard down to its tiniest detail. I never thought he was confident or that there was a surprise change in his character. His being taken aback by her observation of his choice, remaining standoffish only to come back the next week and play the victim for attention already tells you the distrustful, self-absorbed victim-card-pulling guy that he is.

    Maybe such a quick snap from being attracted and turned-on to being disgusted in that way is possible for women though, I dunno.
    Yes. This brings to mind something an ex said when describing his best friend, "Women end up rejecting him as strongly as they initially fall for him." I always thought it was a type of person that generated this effect in others, I didn't know it was more about the beholder, haha.
    Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent. - Mao

  4. #34
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    I realized today that this story is basically just a shittier unfunny version of an old VH1 show.
    Most of time, when people ask why something terrible happened, they don't realize they are looking for someone to blame.

    --Meditations on Uncertainty Vol ξ(x)

  5. #35
    creator kari's Avatar
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    I finally read through this.

    This sounds eerily similar to my hookup experience with an older man. Even the age difference was the same (14 years apart). He approached me and we awkwardly flirted. The artificial distance/aloofness during our first encounters. His porno talk during sex. His bad kissing with his big mouth. My mild discomfort of having sex with a body that was a bit older and slower than mine. After we had sex he said "Wow, it felt like I was fulfilling a lolita fantasy". His mild condescension over our status/age difference. The same question as in the article "how old are you?" while he looked at me up and down

    Little weird uncomfortable conversation remarks too...
    Like Him: "Let's go to the beach"
    Me: "I don't like the beach."
    Him: "Oh damn... that's a dealbreaker."
    Me internally: Okay.........

    He was pretty mature though and when I ended it, he didn't call me a whore.

    I don't think there was a "villain" in the story at all. Just two human beings and their awkward synergy. It's a kind of relationship dynamic that inspires constant overthinking. I would stay away from it.
    I fucking hate the cold! - Wim Hof

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  6. #36
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by interprétation erronée View Post
    If Sinny said her quote like Larry David.

    Some men are dicks, some women are dicks... Admittedly more men are dicks... *nodding and grinning* And quite frankly, haha sometimes I like to look at dicks. *waves finger* Not all dicks -there's a lot defective ones out there so I'm picky about my dicks. But a nice smoothe 6.5" very girthy dick? *kisses fingers* -you have to admit... that's a pretty good dick. Prettay, prettay, pretty good. Anyway, wise up, and get on with life ya buncha dicks!


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    ~ Robert Jackson, Statesman (1892-1954)


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