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Thread: Cat Person

  1. #11
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pensive_pilgrim View Post
    I don't think that's a woman-specific thing. In general, if you meet someone new in public and suggest you go somewhere private for a specific activity, and then after they agree and you both go there, if you change your mind at that point it's gonna be really awkward and the other person might understandably be upset. And sex amplifies anything awkward.

    I only skimmed to be fair but it seemed like the woman here was clearly initiating and driving the whole interaction. When a guy convinces a woman to sleep with him, then avoids her and doesn't return her calls, then writes about how her body is ugly and she's bad at sex and clingy, everybody calls the guy an asshole. Right? Well I think the woman in this story is an asshole.
    She does have some assholeish/immature things there, like imagining how she would make fun of him with someone else, or when her friends escort her out of the room at the end. Let us not forget that she is 20 years old, and I don't think teenage dating actually counts for anything in the romantic maturity department.

    But I saw the red flags from the beginning, I just didn't know those red flags I was seeing were going to be the point of the whole story. His negging, "You managed not to insult me this time", in reference to a harmless observation she had made a week earlier, painted his entire psychological structure from head to toe for me right off the bat. And after that, everything confirmed this impression. His coldness after their holiday break, because he had imagined an entire scenario where she was fucking someone else. His feigned disinterest until the very moment that she started to cry, which made him feel at ease.

    He is the typical guy who needs some kind of virginal and saintly female ideal to eliminate any possible threat of judgement that could scar his ridiculously fragile ego. Even a tiny joke could make everything freeze over.

    Of course it sucks when someone is implying they want to have sex, and then they change their mind. Personally, I wouldn't think they're an asshole, but I probably wouldn't date them again after that. She had gotten so sucked into this dynamic of a man whose feelings had to be protected, that she went ahead with sex she didn't want to have. Having sex they don't want to have because they believe a man is entitled is something a lot of women do in their relationships, not just on dates.
    Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent. - Mao

  2. #12
    Member MoneyJungle's Avatar
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    I read the whole thing. They deserve each other. The amount of disdain for people who catch feelings after you fuck them baffles me. I'm probably puritanical.

    Glimpses do ye seem to see of that mortally intolerable truth; that all deep, earnest thinking is but the intrepid effort of the soul to keep the open independence of her sea; while the wildest winds of heaven and earth conspire to cast her on the treacherous, slavish shore?

  3. #13
    know nothing pensive_pilgrim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madrigal View Post
    She does have some assholeish/immature things there, like imagining how she would make fun of him with someone else, or when her friends escort her out of the room at the end. Let us not forget that she is 20 years old, and I don't think teenage dating actually counts for anything in the romantic maturity department.

    But I saw the red flags from the beginning, I just didn't know those red flags I was seeing were going to be the point of the whole story. His negging, "You managed not to insult me this time", in reference to a harmless observation she had made a week earlier, painted his entire psychological structure from head to toe for me right off the bat. And after that, everything confirmed this impression. His coldness after their holiday break, because he had imagined an entire scenario where she was fucking someone else. His feigned disinterest until the very moment that she started to cry, which made him feel at ease.

    He is the typical guy who needs some kind of virginal and saintly female ideal to eliminate any possible threat of judgement that could scar his ridiculously fragile ego.
    To me the guy just seems driven by insecurity and it's sad to me more than anything else. I hate to admit it but I can relate. In my case it's not about sexual purity, I get suspicious that the other person isn't secretly thinking about how ridiculous and awful I am and how she's going to mockingly describe me to strangers.

    Even a tiny joke could make everything freeze over.
    Tell me about it

    Having sex they don't want to have because they believe a man is entitled is something a lot of women do in their relationships, not just on dates.
    Yeah okay. I can see that.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Horatio View Post
    Didn't make it past the third paragraph. Rambling and trivial both stylistically and contentually.
    I skimmed bits up to the third paragraph.. Can't say that I really care about other people's sob stories.

    I've just been on a date with a guy, and I asked him why he broke up with his last gf. He recounted how amongst some other things, she's a bit of a femi-nazi and she aggressively accused him of being a misogynist

    I found the story pretty hilarious, he's an engaging 7w8 who is probably no stranger to misogyny

    I told him that I wasn't a femi-nazi, but that the movement amuses me because men should fear it, and they deserve everything they get after thousands of years of Patriarchy.. but don't worry, we've got nothing to argue about, I added.

    Meh, men only have as much power over women as you let them, and visa versa. Some men are dicks, some women are dicks... Admittedly more men are dicks... Wise up, get on with life.
    Those who begin coercive elimination of dissent soon find themselves exterminating dissenters. Compulsory unification of opinion achieves only the unanimity of the graveyard.

    ~ Robert Jackson, Statesman (1892-1954)


  5. #15
    chaotic neutral shitpost
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    i read this story a couple of days ago. i can understand the expectation and the pressure to feel like you have to coddle men's emotions and why this story is resonating with a lot of women. for myself personally, though, i only relate in the sense that when you're 20 you kinda have low expectations for dating and relationships in general. i don't really relate to the narrator's immaturity and i don't find the psychology of the narrator or the guy robert very fascinating (this might be a flaw of the writing, but probably is honest of a young person's psychology). i don't read the new yorker but i'm surprised that a story like this would be making the rounds cuz i don't consider it very good.

    i get the impression that the ending was supposed to be jarring, but it's really mundane to read about in a piece of fiction. i felt no pang of hurt or surprise cuz you already know it's not going to "end well." it's also realistic to the point of not being shocking. maybe as a first experience of being slut-shamed by somebody you dated when you're 20, it's shocking.

    unlike the narrator, i honestly don't care about men's emotions that way. i'm not saying that to be an asshole, but my personality is very straightforward, when i was 20 i was even more harsh than i am now, and i resent the expectation of women that we have to treat men like they're egghard.

    what strikes me is the mutual disrespect the two characters have for each other and at this point in life i can't imagine giving anyone the time of day if i felt they couldn't handle "no" gracefully. i just... don't have time or energy for that. i won't coddle an adult.

    edit:

    “That’s an . . . unusual choice,” she said. “I don’t think I’ve ever actually sold a box of Red Vines before.”
    Flirting with her customers was a habit she’d picked up back when she worked as a barista,
    ^ lul that is NOT flirting. but this reminds me that my own conversation style can be considered flirty. ugh.
    Last edited by jigglypuff; 12-17-2017 at 10:15 PM.
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  6. #16
    Very stable genius BarIII's Avatar
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    I think it's weird for fiction to "resonate" with people so much. An author could probably read social media to see what people say about things then write a fictional story about it and it will resonate. They'd probably exaggerate it too. If it resonates then it's what people already know, and if it's fictional then it's not even "yet another case." I have no interest.

    On jury duty, a juror put a New Yorker on the table for us to read while we were waiting. I read the last paragraph or two of a long article on an exercise pill. That told me all I needed to know - that it probably causes cancer. I mentioned it and it sounded like she didn't even read that one. Yet people will read fiction and think they're getting meaningful relationship information from it. I don't know what letter that is, but that's not me.
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  7. #17
    know nothing pensive_pilgrim's Avatar
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    Honestly the worst thing about this story is the utter lack of cats. Total bait and switch.

  8. #18
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madrigal View Post
    But I saw the red flags from the beginning, I just didn't know those red flags I was seeing were going to be the point of the whole story. His negging, "You managed not to insult me this time", in reference to a harmless observation she had made a week earlier, painted his entire psychological structure from head to toe for me right off the bat.
    Funny you see that response as negging but:

    “That’s an . . . unusual choice,” she said. “I don’t think I’ve ever actually sold a box of Red Vines before.”
    you see as a "harmless observation". I see this "harmless observation" as the neg. I think you misunderstand the intonation the author is implying. Look at the ellipsis. This was delivered as snark. Otherwise it wouldn't register to the speaker as "flirting". His body language in response shows he felt insulted. He didn't neg, he made an observation. You've got that interaction completely backwards.

    I've had interactions like this. I wasn't negging. I wasn't flirting. I was asserting a boundary.
    For some, "how", not "why", is the fundamental unit of measure for curiosity. This divergence is neither parallel, nor straight. Where one might have a "why?-5" problem, it might only be a "how?-2" question. But then, there are also many things where the "why?" is immediately obvious but the "how?" is best measured in centuries of perpetual wonder. Both approaches have their drawbacks.

    If one is superior, the other is unaware of it.

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  9. #19
    Senior Member Senseye's Avatar
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    That last part was pretty bad. It seemed totally contrived and came across as the author just wanted to sign off with some man hating.

  10. #20
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Is there a certain convention by which the end to a short story needs to be shocking? For the record, the ending felt like I had already read it before... throughout the entire story. Kinda like a fruit that's ripe and finally falls to the ground. I don't see how it was meant to be a jolt, but maybe I just know the type too well.
    Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent. - Mao

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