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Thread: ISFP man needs more...than I can give?

  1. #11
    keep your kokoro away PureViolence's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Garbage_Doll View Post
    He’s quite interesting and intelligent, so it’s not annoying “whatcha doin” crap at least. I block and delete those men. Like he started a conversation today about the subconscious mind*. And then he lets me monologue about it. Haha!
    dunno what's worse tho, i prefer not to text, i'm more into meet and talk face to face. not phone. not chat.
    but if chat is the only way then i use emojis and selfies or pics and short parables, open for interpretation so it's already set as a rule that i won't explain myself for too long.
    definitely not into deep conversations on messenger. for if you gaze long enough to the abyss the abyss will gaze back to you haha.
    but if deepness arises then i would try to make practical interpretations of it and experiment in real time, like maybe interpreting some dream can be fun.
    i remember one day my exgf sent me a pic of a building she was going to, when she was inside she took a pic from the window, then she asked me what was her floor, i said perhaps 13? i was damn right. then a lot of mystical bullcrap happened. she thought it was scary (we were living 3000 km away)
    you get the idea, nothing too wikipediacal.

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    i might not be isfp anyway. but i can become any type. for sure.

  2. #12
    Member Garbage_Doll's Avatar
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    I keep texting the ISFJ still and of course less contact with him means I want more. My infatuations are SO shallow. I just think he’s gorgeous and intriguing because he’s gorgeous. He could sneeze and I’d melt into a puddle of giggles.

    My rational mind says he doesn’t match me as well. He also intrigues me because I can’t figure him out even though it seems there’s possibly not much to figure out. I am worried I want what I can’t have so I don’t get anything and stay nice and safe in my isolation.

    This ISFP is tricky in that he is it hard to grasp, but I’m not sure how much is a show. He gets suddenly simplistic after bringing up something I’m sure to be engaged by. Then he just shovels on the charm and tells me how brilliant and complex he thinks I am. Is this just some SFP “picking up on exactly what to say to you” thing? We have more in common, at any rate. And while there is more of a kindred spirit feeling, for me that can feel like a “buddy vibe”.

  3. #13
    Member Garbage_Doll's Avatar
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    Well he ended it because I was still logging into the dating site. He was melodramatic as if he’d been holding it in for awhile (we met maybe 2-3 weeks ago), and of course it came out of nowhere to me. First he asks me if I’m talking to other men. I’m coy because I am, and discussing that with a guy makes him feel like a girlfriend, not a romantic interest.
    Then he says I’m not giving enough emotion...oh here we go again. He didn’t use the word “cold” but it was implied.
    This guy wants me to be in love after a few weeks of chatting. I just don’t move at that pace.
    So that’s that. There are others in the wings, and so far no complaints about me being cold. I’m still a little hung up on the ISFJ who rarely contacts me....ugh.

    That is all. I return to my thoughts of “what is the nature of reality” and leave romance to the sappy fools who need drama to stave off their boredom.
    Last edited by Garbage_Doll; 12-29-2017 at 09:32 PM.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PureViolence View Post
    if he's true isfp not some indie idiot istj then buy some tickets for a blink 182 concert and enjoy it with him.
    you don't have to be distant if you are just jumping around with him.
    you can be distant if you are alive next to him.
    go on
    and live.
    Blink 182

    I didn't realise the OP was 15.
    Those who begin coercive elimination of dissent soon find themselves exterminating dissenters. Compulsory unification of opinion achieves only the unanimity of the graveyard.

    ~ Robert Jackson, Statesman (1892-1954)


  5. #15
    Utisz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Garbage_Doll View Post
    Of course, a few weeks in and he’s also complaining that he can’t tell if I’m into him or not. Because I don’t text him all day long.... I told him I’m not a multitasker and so when I’m doing other stuff I don’t think to contact people. I focus intently on what I’m doing. That also means when I’m conversing with someone, I am 100% theirs. I am with WITH them when I am with them. I’m not on my phone or thinking about other stuff. This means during a text conversation, I don’t switch easily between that and, say, my work or errands I’m running. I will be immersed in whatever is interesting to me.
    I had a similar thing in a past relationship where I came across as a bit cold and she wanted me to message her more while we were apart. I tried giving her more time and attention but I grew to resent that, especially spending whole weekends at her apartment just because I thought I'd offend her if I left to be on my own. In the end, it didn't work out for a variety of reasons, the attention deficit being one of them and the fact that after a few months, and given a good excuse, I gave into the fact that I wasn't all that into her. She was probably also something like an ISFP, though Diet I.

    I'm not sure what sort of wisdom to extract from that experience. I felt I understood what she wanted but in trying to give it to her, I was doing shit I didn't want and was growing to resent that, like these little status messages on facebook or hanging around her apartment watching dumb movies on TV to fill the void of a lack of things to say. Maybe it would have been better had I been oblivious and maybe she would have adapted or maybe I should have trusted her more with the truth. In any case, that relationship was doomed from day 1 so this is all rather academic. I did pick up a bunch of Spanish from her though.



    So yeah, in a situation like that, I think it takes compromise and understanding. Probably he was looking for reassurance more than anything and was interpreting your lack of attention as disinterest or keeping options open; there's other ways to address that than lots of small talk and how-was-your-day messages. Probably he could have handled the truth better than you gave him credit for. Or maybe not. But in my similar experience, I know now I could have done other things to avoid the scenario entirely.


    Which is to say, I fundamentally disagree with the line of a lot of thinking posted in this thread, and similar such threads, particularly the stuff that uses MBTI as a premise. If others don't understand you, it's not because you're an INTP snowflake too alien for them to begin to contemplate; it's either because you are not succeeding at making yourself understood or, more fundamentally perhaps, you are not even succeeding at making them want to understand.

  6. #16
    Utisz's Avatar
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    Oh and ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Sinny View Post
    Blink 182

    I didn't realise the OP was 15.
    Spoken like a true Evanescence fan.

  7. #17
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sinny View Post
    Blink 182

    I didn't realise the OP was 15.
    Yeah--I knew a guy who said Blink 182 was his favorite band... got him through a lot of hard times. That lowered my opinion of him more than knowing he was a homeless thieving drug addict. I mean, the latter can be attributed to shitty circumstances. But settling on Blink 182 for catharsis shows abominable judgement.
    You winsome, you loathsome.
    --Meditations on Uncertainty Vol ξ(x)

  8. #18
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Utisz View Post
    Spoken like a true Evanescence fan.
    They aren't even in the same league, so screw you

    182 get even less credit because Tom Delonge has started peddling UFO disinformation.
    Those who begin coercive elimination of dissent soon find themselves exterminating dissenters. Compulsory unification of opinion achieves only the unanimity of the graveyard.

    ~ Robert Jackson, Statesman (1892-1954)


  9. #19
    Member Garbage_Doll's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Yeah--I knew a guy who said Blink 182 was his favorite band... got him through a lot of hard times. That lowered my opinion of him more than knowing he was a homeless thieving drug addict. I mean, the latter can be attributed to shitty circumstances. But settling on Blink 182 for catharsis shows abominable judgement.
    I tell myself I’ve matured past judging people on music taste, but my reaction to the Blink 182 concert suggestion says otherwise.

    Quote Originally Posted by Utisz View Post
    I had a similar thing in a past relationship where I came across as a bit cold and she wanted me to message her more while we were apart. I tried giving her more time and attention but I grew to resent that, especially spending whole weekends at her apartment just because I thought I'd offend her if I left to be on my own. In the end, it didn't work out for a variety of reasons, the attention deficit being one of them and the fact that after a few months, and given a good excuse, I gave into the fact that I wasn't all that into her. She was probably also something like an ISFP, though Diet I.

    I'm not sure what sort of wisdom to extract from that experience. I felt I understood what she wanted but in trying to give it to her, I was doing shit I didn't want and was growing to resent that, like these little status messages on facebook or hanging around her apartment watching dumb movies on TV to fill the void of a lack of things to say. Maybe it would have been better had I been oblivious and maybe she would have adapted or maybe I should have trusted her more with the truth. In any case, that relationship was doomed from day 1 so this is all rather academic. I did pick up a bunch of Spanish from her though.

    So yeah, in a situation like that, I think it takes compromise and understanding. Probably he was looking for reassurance more than anything and was interpreting your lack of attention as disinterest or keeping options open; there's other ways to address that than lots of small talk and how-was-your-day messages. Probably he could have handled the truth better than you gave him credit for. Or maybe not. But in my similar experience, I know now I could have done other things to avoid the scenario entirely.


    Which is to say, I fundamentally disagree with the line of a lot of thinking posted in this thread, and similar such threads, particularly the stuff that uses MBTI as a premise. If others don't understand you, it's not because you're an INTP snowflake too alien for them to begin to contemplate; it's either because you are not succeeding at making yourself understood or, more fundamentally perhaps, you are not even succeeding at making them want to understand.
    I agree partially with your last paragraph. I do think people find you harder to understand if you don’t fit a more familiar archetype, especially as a woman. But I also think it’s your responsibility to bridge the gaps in understanding. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be asked to be met part way though. Because then otherwise resentment grows and that’s a relationship killer. I’m charming enough to attract people initially and make a lot more effort than ever to establish and maintain my relationships. I’m willing.

    I gave him the truth once made aware of his concern. He just didn’t like it. I tried to give him what he wanted, but he still wasn’t “feeling enough emotion” in the text exchanges. Well at that stage I only liked him....I’m not going to act in love if I’m not.

    I think he’s a 4w3 in enneagram and has insane expectations for romance. He told me what he envisions and it’s fairy tale stuff. I’m looking for a relationship that is founded in reality and grows in intimacy at a steady, unrushed pace between two mature adults who don’t need tons of ego validation.

    Also it was 3 weeks of mere chatting....again, his expectations are too high. And he got mad that I hadn’t taken my profile down but never asked me to take it down or even talked about traveling to spend time in person. Of course I was leaving my options open and dating / talking to other men because we didn’t have a real relationship. He still had his profile up too.

    Anyway, my initial concerns have subsided. I was being warm and vulnerable, not withdrawn or guarded, so we just weren’t a match.
    Last edited by Garbage_Doll; 12-31-2017 at 07:31 AM.

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