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Thread: A cold introduction

  1. #1
    New Member Acsor's Avatar
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    A cold introduction

    Do I have any concrete hope of finding joy and satisfaction in life?

    As many INTPs out there I have been quite restricted in the friendships I formed over the years. Since highschool I stopped having any, and in a way this is something I do not regret. Most acquaintances I had were dull and provided no actual interest for me to continue follow them.

    "Not so bad" - I would encourage myself - "if I'll be able to get by even alone by enjoying myself". In a sense, this has been happening quite substantially in the past. I admire any form of knowledge and have always been grateful to learn some of it as deep and as critically as I could.

    This and self-motivated virtue were some of the few sustains upon which I could hope for the future. But they have been declining lately; I am losing confidence and starting to question my abilities more than ever. If, before, I was losing human relationships, now I am losing even myself. I believe less and less that I can do a great job studying and working, and nothing remains to hope a brighter future.

    For reference, I turned 22 lately. I'm not enrolled at uni., although I have set up a pretty rigorous self-study path to follow, much alike to those of real universities. I have also been developing some software in the last month and-a-half to generate some income.

    Apologies for the disconcerting introduction. I had anything better and more representing to come up with,

    Acsor
    Last edited by Acsor; 04-12-2018 at 02:40 PM.

  2. #2
    WOKE Catoptric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Acsor View Post
    Am I entitled to live anymore? Do I have any concrete hope of finding joy in life?

    As many INTPs out there I have been quite restricted in the friendships I formed over the years. Since highschool I stopped having any, and in a way this is something I do not regret. Most acquaintances I had were dull and provided no actual interest for me to continue follow them.

    "Not so bad" - I would encourage myself - "if I'll be able to get by even alone by enjoying myself". In a sense, this has been happening quite substantially in the past. I admire any form of knowledge and have always been grateful to learn some of it as deep and as critically as I could.

    This and self-motivated virtue were some of the few sustains upon which I could hope for the future. But they have been declining lately; I am losing confidence and starting to question my abilities more than ever. If, before, I was losing human relationships, now I am losing even myself. I believe less and less that I can do a great job studying and working, and nothing remains to hope a brighter future.

    For reference, I turned 22 lately. I'm not enrolled at uni., although I have set up a pretty rigorous self-study path to follow, much alike to those of real universities. I have also been developing some software in the last month and-a-half to generate some income.

    Apologies for the disconcerting introduction. I had anything better and more representing to come up with,

    Acsor
    Use websites like Upwork.com and Thumbtack.com to help build a portfolio. Get A+ certified and focus on digital security (apparently it's a big deal that will always generate revenue.)

    Don't focus on college unless you absolutely believe it is critical (if you are not money driven per se, college may not have much of an incentive and will only hinder your career progression.) I've started to evaluate what I should pursue and have for the longest time preferred to not bother with it; in short I was kind of trying to avoid people. Perhaps I am schizoid; even though my career has so far been based on customer service, and I am pretty much completely dejected from it and yet apathetic towards pursuing anything different (perhaps it depends on the environment and what is available to pursue though in truth my location shouldn't really be a hindrance.

    I suppose you could also look at schizoid traits being some advantage (it could be viewed as a higher evolutionary function, even if it may hinder progression in modern society.) If you think of the historical interpretation of "genius" it often has such traits, and in modern society it is often shunned and ostracized; I am never in my "element" unless secluded from pretty much everything.
    Last edited by Catoptric; 04-12-2018 at 02:37 PM.

  3. #3
    New Member Acsor's Avatar
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    I am much demotivated by the thought of mediocrity, yet it seems I cannot go past it, and reach a form of excellence, or competence, as I deeply wish.

    This has been triggered by a series of specific circumstances though, most notably mathematics. I feel a sympathetic interest toward it, but am not good enough to perform as good as I'd want. Academically - although, I repeat, I never enrolled - there are even other subjects where, to my own standards, I do not do as well as I hope, and these are further sources of sadness and demotivation.

    Simply put, I'd want hard things to be so easy for me to be able to enjoy them as a game. Nothing more than that.

  4. #4
    New Member Acsor's Avatar
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    And, by the way, I do not like to see myself as a schizoid-personality type. Probably I am, I cannot exclude that, but I have always avoided those people which I deemed uninteresting and welcomed those that I could have a fun chat with.

  5. #5
    singularity precursor Limes's Avatar
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    Welcome.
    Are you from the UK, or just a well-written yankee doodle dandy?

  6. #6
    Senior Member Starjots's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Acsor View Post
    Do I have any concrete hope of finding joy and satisfaction in life?

    <description of present methods>
    So I take it you don't have joy and satisfaction atm.

    Doing the same thing and expecting different results is _______________.

    True you only have four years or so out of HS, but still, that's some data.

    Change a thing or two about your schtick and see what happens after a while. Rinse and repeat.

    Personally, I think rejecting all humans as dull and uninteresting is a mistake. For starters, you're human and no better than any other person.

  7. #7
    know nothing pensive_pilgrim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starjots View Post
    Doing the same thing and expecting different results is _______________.
    I hate this saying. There are so many things in life that require persistence. If you constantly give up on what you're doing because your efforts don't produce immediate gratification, you'll never get anywhere.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Starjots's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pensive_pilgrim View Post
    I hate this saying. There are so many things in life that require persistence. If you constantly give up on what you're doing because your efforts don't produce immediate gratification, you'll never get anywhere.
    Fair point, give it the old college try. If there's a greater good and it's a tough nut, keep going. If you're just being stubborn to be stubborn, try to adjust as you go.

  9. #9
    New Member Acsor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Limes View Post
    Welcome.
    Are you from the UK, or just a well-written yankee doodle dandy?
    More southern than that. Native italian and have always lived here. I'll probably move abroad as soon as the necessity manifests itself.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starjots View Post
    Personally, I think rejecting all humans as dull and uninteresting is a mistake. For starters, you're human and no better than any other person.
    I don't mean to be unnice. I do not despise people, but discussing outside my own interests is a bit of a chore. I recognize this is much a self-centered approach but for my own well-being I cannot do otherwise. The alternative drains energy out of me and makes me feel in a world full of imperfection (I see defects everywhere!).

    Quote Originally Posted by pensive_pilgrim View Post
    I hate this saying. There are so many things in life that require persistence. If you constantly give up on what you're doing [...]
    It can be demonstrated that I am a workaholic. Yet, despite it, it feels like what I do could be achieved much more easily by someone else.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Starjots's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Acsor View Post
    I don't mean to be unnice. I do not despise people, but discussing outside my own interests is a bit of a chore. I recognize this is much a self-centered approach but for my own well-being I cannot do otherwise. The alternative drains energy out of me and makes me feel in a world full of imperfection (I see defects everywhere!).
    I don't mean to be unnice either. My friends are few but I do have a mate that is 90% on the same wavelength as me, hopefully you can find such a person, mate or not, sometime. It helps.

    As for defects, absolutely. A simple minded explanation is most things are evolved, not designed. That's what I tell myself. And many things that are designed are short term optimized (i.e., why does so much stuff break/wear out so quickly?). Cheers and welcome.

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