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Thread: What do you do with contempt?

  1. #41
    wetback Space Invaders Champion Fitz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lud View Post
    The one where you're the world's sexiest, fittest Gordon Ramsay?

  2. #42
    Darth Millenial Scrubjay's Avatar
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    I use my feelings of contempt as a sign to avoid someone, rather than let them drag me into drama.
    Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. That's the only way to become what you were meant to be.

  3. #43
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    I wonder if part of my dilemma could be explained by moral foundations theory. I think I have a fairly strong purity/disgust guage, moreso than many "liberals", but this conflicts with my desire for giving everyone the benefit of doubt, seeing the bigger picture, etc. So there's always dissonance.

    Personally produced pollution bothers me a lot.

    Things like:
    Littering
    Smoking
    Loud, public arguments
    Violence in front of children

    Shit like that gets under my skin, but I'm often not consciously aware of it - or if I do notice it I just try to dampen the emotion.

    I feel like a lot of the behaviors I can't stand correspond with poverty, but at the same time I want to work with the poor.

    The deserving poor vs the poor who need to be saved from themselves? Am I just on a quest to reduce behaviors I find contemptible? Is there anything wrong with that?

    I dunno I'm still chewing on this.

  4. #44
    Attempt to sublimate it into positive acts, fail, self medicate, dissociate, repeat

  5. #45
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    On a micro level, I think everyone that feels contempt should try to be polite and set a mature example of cohabitation while reasonably avoiding each other.
    Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent. - Mao

  6. #46
    आत्मन् Sappho's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TeresaJ View Post
    Personally produced pollution bothers me a lot.

    Things like:
    Littering
    Smoking
    Loud, public arguments
    Violence in front of children

    Shit like that gets under my skin, but I'm often not consciously aware of it - or if I do notice it I just try to dampen the emotion.
    I admire that kind of self-restraint. Dampen my emotion when I see somebody littering? Hell no. They get the full sermon (in fortissimo) of who they think they are and what they're doing throwing their shit around in this beautiful city/nature, and that they better pick it up at once. Physical threats with the help of a very pointy umbrella may occur if the particular subject is a loud-mouthed youth.

    Loud, public arguments on the other hand, provided they don't occur during nighttime hours, are hilarious.

    Quote Originally Posted by Madrigal View Post
    On a micro level, I think everyone that feels contempt should try to be polite and set a mature example of cohabitation while reasonably avoiding each other.
    That's no way to speak about your cat.

  7. #47
    Senior Member Lurker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mxx View Post
    I think the feeling of contempt can be a useful indicator to pinpoint what people value or hold dear at a core, gut, emotional level - by looking at what is being violated by the behavior that is inspiring contempt.
    Yes.

    Feeling general contempt at "lesser beings" is not what I mean here -- that stems from narcissism. Obviously, I'm not referring to friends and family members, either. I'm not talking about arguments.

    Also, I'm not advocating maintaining active contemptuous rage.

    My point is that -- in certain contexts -- some people deserve my contempt. I make note, and move on. Yes, it's a tremendous gesture of trust for me to share intimate details of my personal life, and if anything I share ends up as a punchline to a joke, then I'm not only dealing with betrayal, but being treated without any respect. So contempt is a perfectly normal emotion in this situation. Seething daily isn't healthy.

    Taking TeresaJ's example, I'd guess that she values conscientious parenting, that Dot values teaching/learning that helps people grow mentally/philosophically/emotionally, and that Lurker values a sacred intimacy where vulnerability is cared for and protected. (Could be completely wrong on this).
    Correct for me. @TeresaJ seems respectful of established order to me, and @Dot holds people to her moral standards (this is in addition to your take.)

    .......more responses coming


  8. #48
    Senior Member Lurker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sinny View Post
    Well I just carefully reviewed the thread, and I I don't think your accusation that "everybody told you you were wrong" has any merit.

    Nor do I think Robcore "lectured" you, nor do I think his points are without merit.
    He and I were basically running parallel in this thread. We never intersected. His points certainly had merit in the situations he used as examples; but, when I tried to impress upon him that I'm talking about liars, schemers, abusers, rapists....charmers like that, he should have stopped and considered how profoundly different our hypothetical situations were.
    @Robcore, you are a good person, but stop and think about this comment you made:

    Contempt doesn't just protect you from not softening, it does the exact opposite to you.

    It may be advantageous to be 'hard' at times...but I never think that an extreme position is a good mitigation against another too-far position...so I wouldn't advocate for hardness as something good...just perhaps as something better than softness."


    Would you ever counsel the woman below in such a detached, theoretical manner?

    A woman's boyfriend just beat her mercilessly. He threatened to break her cat's neck. He broke her nose. He took the battery out of the car so she couldn't take off and tell the cops about his drug stash.

    A few days later, he apologizes, she softens, yadda yadda. If she had contempt for his behavior, you might assume she had standards. Contempt isn't synonymous with a loss of emotional control; it can serve as a catalyst to action.

    Surely a completely different approach, where one is steadfast in their resolve, yet not full of contempt...that'd be better.
    Why? I think the woman needs to feel anger or something. Who cares what she feels here, as long as she leaves.


    You specifically quoted Robcore first and stated "No" to his opinion, so he then continued to explain his position so you might then better understand.

    But in your world, these events were reversed.

    I find that disconcerting.
    Sinny, to be fair, he made no real effort to understand where I was coming from.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sinny View Post
    As frequently as Lurker though?
    She sees offence where there's none to be taken.
    Yes, I do sometimes.

    Quote Originally Posted by oxyjen View Post
    Anger/contempt is a wild thing that can often lead someone to be reckless and do things that they later regret.
    Sometimes

    Anger doesn't always mean out-of control.

    Anger can be a signal to a person that something is wrong, and act as fuel to do hard things that are beneficial but difficult, like leaving a bad situation or giving someone the courage to stand up for someone.
    That's my point.


    I can see what all people are saying here, I think everyone has a different context in mind when giving their opinion.
    And that muddles everything.


  9. #49
    Dr.Awkward Robcore's Avatar
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    Would you ever counsel the woman below in such a detached, theoretical manner?
    Who cares what she feels here, as long as she leaves.
    I would not be advising contempt. I would be advising for her to leave and go somewhere safe. If she had contempt, I get it...but so what? the contempt might be a means to that end, but it is not the only, nor is it the best means.
    ...the origin of emotional sickness lay in people’s belief that they were their personalities...
    "The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong." ~Carl Jung

  10. #50
    Senior Member Lurker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robcore View Post
    I would not be advising contempt. I would be advising for her to leave and go somewhere safe. If she had contempt, I get it...but so what? the contempt might be a means to that end, but it is not the only, nor is it the best means.
    Dude.

    Maybe she didn't use the best means to escape?


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