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Thread: Why is my new intp love interest so affectionate and emotionally vulnerable?

  1. #1
    New Member Knightchi's Avatar
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    Why is my new intp love interest so affectionate and emotionally vulnerable?

    Hey,

    Infp here.
    I just started a relationship with an intp. Met on Bumble. Before we met we talked about our types and then, let me tell you, I had to drive the conversation. I had to put up with him constantly changing the time and date of our first meeting. And I definitely saw typical intp behaviors.

    Then we actually met.

    I think I almost saw the point infatuation hit him over the head. And I reciprocate. Completely.
    But now he's acting very warm and emotionally effusive and intense-- don't get me wrong, I like it. But it's freaking me out! Is this normal for an Intp? (Calls me perfect. Wants to hold my hand all the time. Very soft and cinnamonrolley) Is he in the grip of Fe??? Is this a prelude to disappointment and disillusionment?

  2. #2
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Most of time, when people ask why something terrible happened, they don't realize they are looking for someone to blame.

    --Meditations on Uncertainty Vol ξ(x)

  3. #3
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    I'm not an expert, but I am dating an INTP.. he's affectionate and emotionally vulnerable in his own INTP way.

    Like you, I saw the point infatuation hit him over the head - and being the distant sort of person I am it freaked me out a bit too.

    I had to ask him to stop sending me overly affectionate messages - because I'm not accustomed to too much sensitive Fe and I don't want to get accustomed to it.

    Anyway, we've been dating a year and he's mostly still the same.. relax and enjoy it if it's what you want.
    Those who begin coercive elimination of dissent soon find themselves exterminating dissenters. Compulsory unification of opinion achieves only the unanimity of the graveyard.

    ~ Robert Jackson, Statesman (1892-1954)


  4. #4
    Dr.Awkward Robcore's Avatar
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    The honeymoon phase of relationships sees our ego boundaries drop. It's during this phase that you get to know the person's true self/essence best. Slowly, however, the ego boundaries go back up, and so begins the process of knocking them down (most effectively in ourselves, generally). The phase where they go back up is called the disillusionment phase. In this phase you come to learn that maintaining intimacy and honesty and humility and acceptance takes work.

    Many people see it the other way, where the honeymoon version isn't the real person...that the true self is the one with all the baggage and boundaries.

    I'll let you guess which perspective tends to belong to the ones in healthy long term relationships.
    ...the origin of emotional sickness lay in peopleís belief that they were their personalities...
    "The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong." ~Carl Jung

  5. #5
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    Every kind of romantic love, however ethereally it may conduct itself, springs entirely from the sexual instinct; indeed, it is absolutely this instinct, only in a more definite, specialised, and perhaps, strictly speaking, more individualised form.

    —Schopenhauer.

  6. #6
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Knightchi View Post
    Is this a prelude to disappointment and disillusionment?
    Is this what concerns you? Or is it something else.
    Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent. - Mao

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Knightchi View Post
    But it's freaking me out!
    If you feel like it's too much too soon, it probably is.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Senseye's Avatar
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    I'd say it's pretty typical of an INTP. I assume he'll calm down over time once all this unexpected emotionally giddyness gets adjusted to.

  9. #9
    New Member Knightchi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madrigal View Post
    Is this what concerns you? Or is it something else.
    Welló Iím an infp, but Iím not super idealistic. I mean I am, but being that way has taught me how quickly one gets disappointed when one lives only in possibilities and not the present moment.

    When he says Iím perfect, I feel like heís setting himself up for disillusionment. And I really like him, so Iíd like this, to you know, actually work.

  10. #10
    New Member Knightchi's Avatar
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    I mean, Iím enjoying it, but Iím too old to act like a teenager every time I fall in love. Iím just trying to tread softly.
    But perhaps that is the definition of it ďbeing too muchĒ.
    Iím happy, just nervous.

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