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Thread: Why is my new intp love interest so affectionate and emotionally vulnerable?

  1. #11
    Dr.Awkward Robcore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Knightchi View Post
    When he says I’m perfect, I feel like he’s setting himself up for disillusionment. And I really like him, so I’d like this, to you know, actually work.
    Disillusionment is a normal phase in relationships. The disillusionment isn't "oh he/she is not perfect", but "seeing that perfection for the duration of the journey is hard and actually takes work".
    Right now, he's like Michelangelo and the raw slab of marble...he's inspired, and sees nothing but the David. Eventually he will come to face the stone...and that's the disillusionment part.
    Relationship is about continuing to see the David, all while chipping away at the stone.
    ...the origin of emotional sickness lay in peopleís belief that they were their personalities...
    "The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong." ~Carl Jung

  2. #12
    Homo siderius Sistamatic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robcore View Post
    Disillusionment is a normal phase in relationships. The disillusionment isn't "oh he/she is not perfect", but "seeing that perfection for the duration of the journey is hard and actually takes work".
    Right now, he's like Michelangelo and the raw slab of marble...he's inspired, and sees nothing but the David. Eventually he will come to face the stone...and that's the disillusionment part.
    Relationship is about continuing to see the David, all while chipping away at the stone.
    Is the insinuation that he is supposed to mold his partner into an ideal intentional, accidental, incedental, or Freudian?
    Insults are effective only where emotion is present. -- Spock, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" Stardate 3468.1.

    I'm not avoiding socializing I'm helping socializing avoid me! --MoneyJungle

  3. #13
    Dr.Awkward Robcore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sistamatic View Post
    Is the insinuation that he is supposed to mold his partner into an ideal intentional, accidental, incedental, or Freudian?
    The insinuation is that we're all perfection held captive within walls/ego boundaries/baggage/programs. Preferably, we work on ourselves...breaking free, and knocking down our own walls.
    Additionally, we can support others in doing the same. It also helps to be able to see past/through the walls as Michelangelo did with the marble. I say this as someone who has been seen. When someone sees your best/your perfection, it empowers you to live it. When someone sees you in a positive way or a negative way, it is easy for those projections to become self-fulfilling. People who like us tend to bring out the best in us, after all.
    ...the origin of emotional sickness lay in peopleís belief that they were their personalities...
    "The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong." ~Carl Jung

  4. #14
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    To me this reads as: "I refuse to give up my Pygmalion project!"
    Most of time, when people ask why something terrible happened, they don't realize they are looking for someone to blame.

    --Meditations on Uncertainty Vol ξ(x)

  5. #15
    Dr.Awkward Robcore's Avatar
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    Can definitely appreciate that perspective. Not sure if it still applies when you are focused on removing yourself from the stone, primarily, and when you see all others in the same way, as being captive within their programs/baggage...but yeah...I tend not to give up on people. I occasionally move on, but even as I do, I recognize that those who I move on from are still on a journey...that they are not the masks that they wear.
    ...the origin of emotional sickness lay in peopleís belief that they were their personalities...
    "The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong." ~Carl Jung

  6. #16
    New Member Knightchi's Avatar
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    The metaphor of the slab of marble is a little alarming, though Robcoreís clarifications were helpful.
    I think it speaks to that fear some women have of being placed in the muse position as iconography. And itís got a ton of historical precedent.
    Itís chilly place to be when you want someone to see you for what you actually are, right there, in real time and space. And accept it,

    However, if the slab of marble is the relationship itself, that works better for me.
    Itís something we both work on, though right now weíre enchanted by our personal hopes for what it might be.

    Anyway, update: Iíve started being just as gushy back to him. ::
    Hope he knows heís awoken the feeler beast.

  7. #17
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    Sounds like childish nerd stuff, could be intp yeah, I tend to dislike overtouching, or holding hands or anything like that, I even feel weird kissing in public. But I can be very warm in private.
    You see, some people are desperate to feel loved, then they will do anything to retain it. Once I was dating a girl who was like that guy, he wanted me to act as if I was madly in love with her, when we just had spent 2 weeks together, my conclusion was that she had been alone for a while and she wanted an easy going guy to marry or smth.

    Now you decide if you want it or not, like, I mean let him do his thing. Leave if that's want you want.

  8. #18
    New Member Knightchi's Avatar
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    I meanó heís definitely nerdy. Although I wouldnít say desperate. It took forever for me to wrangle him into an actual date.
    Honestly, I even went on the first date like, ďmeh, at least itís a chance to eat carbsĒ.

    I think we were both taken aback by the ease of the conversation and the attractiveness of the other. You never know with Bumble.

    I think heís cheesy by nature. I only hope itís not a sign heís immature and going to bounce once things get less shiney. Thatís all Iím really worried about.

    I donít like cheesy usually, but he pulls it off.

    Also, I feel like now is the time we notice that Iím really the neurotic one, on a forum not even two dates in, trying to find a reason to self sabatage a lovely connection. Lolololcries.

  9. #19
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    I agree. But he's not here so I can talk shit about him and respect you as a wise person.
    But indeed you psychopath.

  10. #20
    chaotic neutral shitpost
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    how old are you two?
    WORKJIGGLYPLAY
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