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Thread: European History

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    No Thank You Blorg's Avatar
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    European History

    I need to learn all of European history for my exam in December.

    So give me the broad strokes. Cover the antiquity up to the 2oth century.

    250 WORDS OR FEWER

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    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Most of time, when people ask why something terrible happened, they don't realize they are looking for someone to blame.

    --Meditations on Uncertainty Vol ξ(x)

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    凸(ಠ_ರೃ )凸 stuck's Avatar
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    There were some neanderthals, then homo sapiens came and murdered them all. Some time after, the ice caps melted. There were some civilizations in distant lands, and then there were greeks. After the greeks, there were romans. They were much bigger dicks than the greeks which is no small feat. They murdered a lot of people and established murder as the premiere method for governing Europe. They got so good at murdering that the tribes they didn't completely murder grew to defend themselves. A lot of people murdered one another. The names changed but the murder didn't. Franks, Germanics, Ostrogoths, Visigoths, Mongols, Avars, Britons, Angles, Saxons, Normans, Huns, the list of murdering and murdered murderers continues into infinity. A guy named Jesus who had been murdered during the time of the Romans was championed by some aspiring murderers, and they matured into the best murderers Europe had ever seen. Some time around halfway until now everyone died of a plague. Then there was a war for 100 years, then they tried it again but could only last 30 years. These wars might have been for Jesus, nobody remembers. Then another plague. The plague convinced people to build sewers, which then created science. Science was horribly appropriated into everything else, like murder itself, which led to industrialism, capitalism, humanism, colonialism, politics as we now understand them etc etc. Napoleon something something, WW1 something something, Hitler something something. You are here.

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    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    Heathens > Romans > Britons > Germans.

    There.
    Those who begin coercive elimination of dissent soon find themselves exterminating dissenters. Compulsory unification of opinion achieves only the unanimity of the graveyard.

    ~ Robert Jackson, Statesman (1892-1954)


  5. #5
    chaotic neutral shitpost
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    art
    classical, 8th c BC - 5/6th c AD
    byzantine, 5th c AD - mid 15th century
    medieval, 5th - 15th century
    gothic, 12th c AD - 16th century
    renaissance, 14th - 17th century
    baroque, early 17th c - late 18th century
    rococo, 18th century
    neoclassical, mid-18th century -
    modern, late 19th c - early 20th century
    postmodern, 20th c -

    look at the art and look at world events and that is history (of who has money)
    Last edited by jigglypuff; 06-13-2018 at 08:15 AM.
    WORKJIGGLYPLAY
    HARDxBUTTxHARD

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    No Thank You Blorg's Avatar
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    thanks everyone!

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    Minister of Love Roger Mexico's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ptah View Post
    No history, no exposition, no anecdote or argument changes the invariant: we are all human beings, and some humans are idiots.

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    No Thank You Blorg's Avatar
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    ok so I've just covered Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. Thoughts:

    1. Muhammad is awesome, he has the best origin story. He didn't want to hear the divine message at first Then he united all the nomadic groups. Also, apparently there's a ton of revolutionary Islamic philosophical texts and literature that still isn't translated into English.

    2. Paganism is also awesome. Did you know they didn't think that everything came out of nothing. Instead they thought there was this primordial goo environment, kind of like a swamp. Nothing much was there and nothing made sense. Then a faceless god emerged. Then they gave birth to a god with slightly more personality. And so on. Until you get gods who are totally eccentric and bizarre.

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    No Thank You Blorg's Avatar
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    My book just arrived!



    I am the one who knocks. On the door of KNOWLEDGE

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    No Thank You Blorg's Avatar
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    the journey of Stephen II is so fascinating. Needs a movie!

    JOURNEY OF STEPHEN II

    Bishop and Patriarch of Rome crossed the Alps (753)
    His predecessor, Zacharias, had been careful to keep connections to the Empire. Christian territory had been greatly diminished by Arabs
    Lombards were rulers of Italy and were Catholics but suspicious of Rome's opposition to Pavia
    Z signed a truce withe the Lombards on behalf of Rome (city)
    But in 751 Lombardian king Aiestulf seized Ravenna and started to tax Rome
    Threatened Rome was cause of Stephen's journey. He had asked for help from Constantinople but no luck. His turn to the Franks was last resort. Wanted to meet with Peppin the Short (751)
    Region he crossed was called Mons Jovis, carried a Roman road. No bishop of Rome had ever crossed the Alps. Reached destination in 754
    Proposed deal was that Rome should try to make Peppin look more legitimate if Franks would supply Rome with arms. Stephen would provide religious sanction
    Franks agreed and marched against the Lombards
    Peppin and heirs were given papal blessing to rule forever
    At first, Frankish were victorious. Aistulf submitted to Peppin and Bishop restored to Rome
    Within months, Lombards broke oath and returned to attacks
    In 756 Peppin launched 2nd attack, capturing Pavia and crushing resistance. Took Exarchate of Ravenna from Lombards and donated it to Patriarch, thereby creating territorial basis for Papal State
    Although he formally owed allegiance to Empire, Bishop accepted Exarchate, in defiance of Byzantine claims, thereby renouncing allegiance to Emperor
    Catholics were misled into believing that the Roman Church had received the Exarchate of Ravenna from the first Christian emperor 400 years before Peppin. Donation of Constantine. May have been made in order to reinforce the real Donation of Peppin
    Betrayed by Rome and threatened by Franks, Byzantines had to try to work with Lombards. Critically weakened the authority of the Empire

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