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Thread: Opting out via suicide. The logistics: how, when, where, why and so so forth...

  1. #21
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    Like Ptah, I plan on killing myself in later life before disease turns me into a useless drain of resources.

    Some old people live long and happy lives, but many are now living long and miserable lives.. consuming time and resources of the youth.

    I'd rather not.

    I'd rather be put of of my misery.
    Those who begin coercive elimination of dissent soon find themselves exterminating dissenters. Compulsory unification of opinion achieves only the unanimity of the graveyard.

    ~ Robert Jackson, Statesman (1892-1954)


  2. #22
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pan_Sonic View Post
    So you have never felt vaguely suicidal?
    Not suicidal, but definitely had those phases when you wake up and wish it was already night so you could go back to sleep. Or wanting to disappear someplace where nobody knows me, etc., become someone else. But those weren't recurring phases or tendencies, they were two phases in life in which I was processing a loss.

    There are ways of not wanting to exist that don't actually involve physical death - which I have no rush to arrive at.
    Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent. - Mao

  3. #23
    WOKE Catoptric's Avatar
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    Often a correlation to suicidal ideations has certain triggering of those traits; entrepreneurs often fall into this spectrum.

    Sometimes it's the realization that one's volition is often an ego-projection, and to escape oneself can sometimes occur without total self-annihilation.

    This video resonated with me (I believe similar effects can be gained through LSD or LSA) :
    BuzzFeed FYI | How A Drug Helps Me Cope With My Kids' Suicides

    I've grown up around incidents of suicide and see certain trends that might cause it: parents absent or negligent to one's individual identity which results in insufficient coping mechanisms (free-will and autonomy that isn't being ridiculed or outright mocked) and might lead to rebellion or impulsive judgement that leads to bad/risky decisions; blaming oneself for a perceived failure or lack of control of direction, which is co-morbidity with things like eating disorders--suicide is just one affirmation of control.

    It cannot be argued that no one could go throughout life without considering the idea of suicide or death; and from what I found out it's never more "peaceful."

  4. #24
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  5. #25
    know nothing pensive_pilgrim's Avatar
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    Violently and in public. I want others to experience my passing in a memorable way. We're all too sheltered from death here. I think witnessing it is important. It helps people with their own being-towards-death.

  6. #26
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    Committing suicide seems kind of melodramatic when I could just quit going to chemo. I'm going to get a lung scan in the next couple weeks which may tell me if those spots on my lung were nothing or metastatic cancer, so I may have to reassess. But I think if anything, I would just quit treatment and let the end come naturally. I mostly just want to go without draining all the remaining life out of my husband.

  7. #27
    Member zago's Avatar
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    I too have thought about this and also decided it would be best to go out in the woods and dig a grave, get in, and shoot myself in the brain stem. There was a time where I fantasized day in and day out about doing just that, but that time has passed and probably won't be coming back. Shit or get off the john. I got off the john.

  8. #28
    Member Pan_Sonic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zago View Post
    I too have thought about this and also decided it would be best to go out in the woods and dig a grave, get in, and shoot myself in the brain stem. There was a time where I fantasized day in and day out about doing just that, but that time has passed and probably won't be coming back. Shit or get off the john. I got off the john.
    It's coincidental (I guess ?) we had the same idea on how to go about it. Even down to digging a grave, getting in and finally destroying the brain stem.

    Question for you: what made you decide to get off the john?

  9. #29
    Tsundoku LordLatch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pan_Sonic View Post
    Do you think it changed you or you'd try again?

    It did change me- I got therapy and worked out several of my issues. I wrote like 30 android apps and studied a lot of art. My Refridgerator Art thread was born out of the desire to create and grow. I didn't and still don't care of my art sucks- it's still mine.

    Eventually, I fired my therapist for one day telling me I needed to see a marriage counselor. I have photos from 3 days before I killed myself where she tapped me on my shoulder and sprayed pepper spray I bought her to defend herself directly in one eye. I'm not with her anymore. I escaped.

    My growth has and will continue. I have documented it for some time here- see this post and the ones explaining it:
    http://forums.intpcomplex.com/showth...l=1#post146157

    Yes, I considered it the day before yesterday. If I do it, I'll use a shotgun this time and the latch will disappear forever.

    I was suicidal since I was five.
    Quote Originally Posted by kari View Post
    This post made me cry ((( Hopefully this was long ago. Take care of yourself, it doesn't always have to be this way.
    I told you- you're a sweetie. I won't tell anyone. And thank you

    It was November 9th 2011.
    Stand clear of the closing doors, please.

  10. #30
    Member zago's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pan_Sonic View Post
    It's coincidental (I guess ?) we had the same idea on how to go about it. Even down to digging a grave, getting in and finally destroying the brain stem.

    Question for you: what made you decide to get off the john?
    Kind of coincidental. I thought about it a lot and I think that's just the cleanest, simplest way. Destroying the brain stem will definitely work, but doing it anywhere in public is going to make a huge mess and horrifying display. I guess you've also thought about it a lot.

    That's a complicated question. I had been depressed for months, basically just laying in bed in the dark and if I got up I paced around in the dark. I retracted from the world. But I was waiting for something. I thought either I would break (and nothing would bother me anymore) or god would reveal himself. After a few months of agony, I began to realize nothing was going to happen. One morning I just swallowed the bitter pill and admitted to myself that I just hate the world. All this time I thought instead that I needed to be fixed somehow, or that there was some explanation to things. Now I understood there was nothing wrong with me and no explanation, life just sucks. That's when I knew I either had to stop moping and kill myself, or go on and try to suck it up and live. Bottom line, I wasn't going to kill myself. It would ruin my parents' lives and I just couldn't do it. So despite my unhappiness I decided I had no choice but to begin going through the motions of life again. And I knew that if I did that I'd eventually forget and go back to normal. At first I didn't even know what to do, I just knew I had to keep my mind busy. I did a lot of reading. It worked.

    I never stopped being that way after that. I've changed. Suffering is no longer a direction I choose if I can help it. If something depresses me too much or makes me sad, I don't sit around and ruminate on it. I do something else and block it out, and that works. I'll never forget that it simply doesn't lead anywhere and there's no point in indulging it. My thoughts about existence haven't changed. I still hate it deep down. But on a regular basis I rarely think about that and my mood is usually neutral or slightly above.

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