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Thread: Do you have friends?

  1. #31
    Homo siderius Sistamatic's Avatar
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    Friendship definition for purposes of this post I'm making right now:
    -If we were no longer part of each other's lives, both our lives would be negatively impacted. A symbiosis.
    -interested in what I'm doing and wants me to know what they are doing (in a general way...not in a creepy hidden camera kind of way)
    -willing to throw down in my defense (and vise versa)
    -willing to say something if they think I'm fucking up and ok with it if I don't always agree (and expects the same from me)
    -we prioritize each others needs over the needs of mere acquaintances.
    -a willingness to share resources that isn't one sided.
    -sufficient experience with each other that benefit of the doubt comes automatically. i.e. mutual trust.
    -forgiveness (no expectation of perfection)
    -can vehemently disagree without getting hateful about it.

    It isn't theoretically impossible to achieve all this in an online/phone friendship, but given my fickleness in using any form of communication reliably, it would be damned difficult.


    I have all that with my husband above all.
    My brothers, particulary stigs.
    The couple down the street (my best friends if we want to use high school terms. They are making me a birthday dinner tonight cuz my husband can't be home til 10:30pm)
    My coauthor/business partner.
    Thufir. Seriously, that cat makes every bullet on the list. In fact, he tops the list in being interested in what I'm doing and in benefit of the doubt/forgiveness.
    Insults are effective only where emotion is present. -- Spock, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" Stardate 3468.1.

    It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. -- Aristotle

    This SEP field is glorious!

  2. #32
    Senior Member Thoth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Non-meatspace friendships are valuable if what you need most is just words and intentions. If your needs go beyond thoughts and prayers, or general advice, then they fall far short of what a friend capable of being physically present can do for or with you. On-line friends will hear your story after you've hauled your ass back out of the woods, but if you need someone with a winch to pull your car out of a ravine, or an extra pair of hands and a shovel in the middle of the night to help bury a tarp, flesh and bone friends are the gold standard until we get positronic companion androids that have been jailbroken and had their tracking devices and spyware removed.
    Agreed.

    Even if an online person you chat with isn't anonymous to you, knowing their face doesn't make them a friend. Also, online "friends" will almost certainly validate you just to keep you in a social circle where as meatspace friends might provide healthy skepticism or forewarning to bad ideas. You might be surprised how fast you can get ghosted by someone who only knows you online simply for saying the wrong thing or supporting a contrary opinion to a topic they never express. Worse still, they might turn others in your online social space against you, because on the internet, no one really knowns another and there is often little in the way of repercussions for socially damaging behavior.

  3. #33
    INFj-Ne (EII) / 9w1 sourpatchkid!'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Non-meatspace friendships are valuable if what you need most is just words and intentions. If your needs go beyond thoughts and prayers, or general advice, then they fall far short of what a friend capable of being physically present can do for or with you. On-line friends will hear your story after you've hauled your ass back out of the woods, but if you need someone with a winch to pull your car out of a ravine, or an extra pair of hands and a shovel in the middle of the night to help bury a tarp, flesh and bone friends are the gold standard until we get positronic companion androids that have been jailbroken and had their tracking devices and spyware removed.
    i usually just need to share an emotional connection with someone and for them to be able to relate to me at whatever point i happen to be on my ~journey~. that is probably one of the major differences between NFs and NTs; that "life is a journey, and we all must ultimately go it alone and develop as individuals" worldview of the NFs. seems a tad fluffy/arbitrary when i actually analyze it, but that is who we are as Catalysts. NTs seem more focused on the pragmatic/stabilizing facets of friendship, much in the same vein as your opinions you expressed above.

    as to the practical stuff, my immediate family (mom, sister, father, and to some extent my stepfather) always has my back, and i theirs. it's not that i'm opposed to that kind of constant/long-term friendship in principle, i just haven't really found anyone compatible who wouldn't be impeding my self-growth if i let them be a permanent part of my life.

  4. #34
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    I value my online friends... Some of my online friends know things about me that "real life" friends don't.

    Of course, I don't get to meet all that many people with the same interests as me in the "real world", they are just people I'm related to, or in close proximity to.

    I count my online friends as being "in the real world", unfortunately, we're just seperated by distance.

    I've known my favourite online friends for years now (4-8), and we always re-connect, if for some reason things go quiet.
    All truth passes through three stages:

    First, it is ridiculed.
    Second, it is violently opposed.
    Third, it is accepted as self-evident.


  5. #35
    Senior Member roki's Avatar
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    I don't need friends
    They disappoint me

  6. #36
    chaotic neutral shitpost jigglypuff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Non-meatspace friendships are valuable if what you need most is just words and intentions. If your needs go beyond thoughts and prayers, or general advice, then they fall far short of what a friend capable of being physically present can do for or with you. On-line friends will hear your story after you've hauled your ass back out of the woods, but if you need someone with a winch to pull your car out of a ravine, or an extra pair of hands and a shovel in the middle of the night to help bury a tarp, flesh and bone friends are the gold standard until we get positronic companion androids that have been jailbroken and had their tracking devices and spyware removed.
    i agree with this. online friendships just don't meet my friendship needs generally and this has nothing to do with how cool i might imagine someone to be irl.

    my friendship needs include being real life, on voice-talking terms with me, and accepting of my whole person as i present myself and online you just don't see that much

    as i get older, i think i'm gonna include regular checking in on each other as one of my friendship needs. i see other people have that, and i want that.

    this doesn't mean i haven't hoped to become friends with someone i met online, though. i guess there's just that hard line to cross before i consider somebody a friend.
    FUCK SHIT

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