View Poll Results: How do you tell somebody for the first time that you love them?

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Thread: I love you – Do you blurt it out?

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Caveat View Post
    It's possible to make somebody love you.
    elaborate?

    how do you "make" someone love you? how do you control someone else's will and emotion?

    what CAN be controlled, or manipulated, then observed— is that love?
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  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by jigglypuff View Post
    elaborate?

    how do you "make" someone love you? how do you control someone else's will and emotion?

    what CAN be controlled, or manipulated, then observed— is that love?
    I don't claim any great expertise here and I'm not saying that it's possible to make anybody love you. I'm just saying that where there's already some potential for a connection, you can make that connection happen by revealing your interest in another person, not necessarily by dropping the love bomb too early. It's self defeating right off the bat to think that if my feelings aren't reciprocated now, they'll never be mutual no matter how I approach my love interest.

    With respect to the writing vs in person approach, you apparently disagree that women find weakness in men unattractive. You should know better than me. You are a woman. Though, I'd be interested in hearing the views of additional women on that point.
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    I struggle to say the words to anybody who isn't family.

    Even in response to my boyfriend, I really have to muster the courage to say it back... But I do, 50% of the time.

    I've just always been averse to saying cheesy/sentimental things.
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  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Caveat View Post
    I don't claim any great expertise here and I'm not saying that it's possible to make anybody love you. I'm just saying that where there's already some potential for a connection, you can make that connection happen by revealing your interest in another person, not necessarily by dropping the love bomb too early. It's self defeating right off the bat to think that if my feelings aren't reciprocated now, they'll never be mutual no matter how I approach my love interest.
    sure, it’s important to take that chance... but taking a chance by revealing your feelings isn’t “making” someone love you. you just can’t make somebody feel whatever you want them to feel, whether that’s love, attraction or admiration....

    With respect to the writing vs in person approach, you apparently disagree that women find weakness in men unattractive. You should know better than me. You are a woman. Though, I'd be interested in hearing the views of additional women on that point.
    i think people are drawn to different things. strength without vulnerability just makes you a cartoon with no complexity. what i find really unattractive is a fixation on weakness. people like that, you can knock down their self-image with a feather. they reject qualities in others they haven’t accepted in themselves. that’s not “strong.”

    in my experience “strength” isn’t even a lovable quality. “weakness” and vulnerability is more beautiful. idk what says about attraction though. haven’t really thought about this that much.
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  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by jigglypuff View Post
    sure, it’s important to take that chance... but taking a chance by revealing your feelings isn’t “making” someone love you. you just can’t make somebody feel whatever you want them to feel, whether that’s love, attraction or admiration....
    Again, I'm not saying you can make anybody love you. There are some people who would never choose you to share a romantic relation. I'm just saying that your choice of actions can influence how some people feel about you, even up to making someone love you. Taking that chance of revealing your love is a step in that direction. Though it'd be unusual for it to be the first step; and I believe it's more powerful when done face to face. How people feel about you is influenced by how you make them feel.

    Unless you're saying that your choice of actions can never influence whether someone will love you, then I don't know what we're arguing about.
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  6. #16
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Not sure why anyone would plan something like that.
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  7. #17
    Member MoneyJungle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madrigal View Post
    Not sure why anyone would plan something like that.
    As someone who has learned about love exclusively through sitcoms I can confidently declare that saying "I love you" is a rite of passage in every relationship and affects the dynamics of power and exclusivity very much. To leave something of such tactical importance to the whims of spontaneity is downright reckless and irresponsible.

    Glimpses do ye seem to see of that mortally intolerable truth; that all deep, earnest thinking is but the intrepid effort of the soul to keep the open independence of her sea; while the wildest winds of heaven and earth conspire to cast her on the treacherous, slavish shore?

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Caveat View Post
    Again, I'm not saying you can make anybody love you. There are some people who would never choose you to share a romantic relation. I'm just saying that your choice of actions can influence how some people feel about you, even up to making someone love you. Taking that chance of revealing your love is a step in that direction. Though it'd be unusual for it to be the first step; and I believe it's more powerful when done face to face. How people feel about you is influenced by how you make them feel.

    Unless you're saying that your choice of actions can never influence whether someone will love you, then I don't know what we're arguing about.
    yeah we're not arguing

    [edited out insight about there being no rule to break and the advantage of saying ILY face to face, which is that they can't run away]
    Last edited by jigglypuff; 09-17-2018 at 10:09 PM.
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  9. #19
    wetback Space Invaders Champion Fitz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Caveat View Post
    Again, I'm not saying you can make anybody love you. There are some people who would never choose you to share a romantic relation. I'm just saying that your choice of actions can influence how some people feel about you, even up to making someone love you. Taking that chance of revealing your love is a step in that direction. Though it'd be unusual for it to be the first step; and I believe it's more powerful when done face to face. How people feel about you is influenced by how you make them feel.

    Unless you're saying that your choice of actions can never influence whether someone will love you, then I don't know what we're arguing about.
    I guess people are just going to ignore that there's this massive worldwide industry devoted precisely to making people feel what you want them to feel about anything and everything?

    Of course you can make someone fall in love with you which isn't saying you can make any one specific person fall in love with you.

    People can be manipulated. surprise.

  10. #20
    I like big buts Sir Caveat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jigglypuff View Post
    yeah we're not arguing

    [edited out insight about there being no rule to break and the advantage of saying ILY face to face, which is that they can't run away]
    You were true to form, both empathetic and sharp elbowed sassy. Admirable and fun.
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