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Thread: Did anyone here have a mature, responsible mother?

  1. #21
    singularity precursor Limes's Avatar
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    Yup! I did.
    My mother would frequently take my brother and I aside from a very early age, right into our teens to give us "the talk" about getting some hood rat girl pregnant (as-in do not)

    She would also grill us before even heading out the front door (usually to cross into the downtown shopping district or "up town") with a stern "don't you dare show me up" ("show me up" is a regional phrase that can be best explained as being embarrassed by friends/family) - as a result (and the fear of getting a rap of knuckles to the head) we were generally well behaved and nothing like the spoiled fucking brats of the modern day, politically correct anti smack, positives vibes, everyone's a winner zeitgeist of parenting.

    After about 45 years as a night nurse, mostly in geriatrics, my mom also cannot be fazed.

    I had her do the test a few years ago and she scored INFJ, but I don't really think that's accurate. She can be quite extroverted (and loud!) and might be more sensor than intuitive and more P than J, definitely not an archetype of any MBTI dichotomy anyway.

    My mom also had four older brothers, and a tough as nails war mother, and Navy boxer dad so that's probably a factor in personality too.
    Last edited by Limes; 02-22-2019 at 01:12 PM.

  2. #22
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    Nah not really. She was a single parent, so I don't know if she could have done any better. I was cooking and washing all my clothes from when I was about 11. I would walk to school or catch the bus so she left it up to us to wake up and get ready. E.g. she would often leave before I woke up. I started taking lots of time off school from when I was about 14. weeks/a month. I was not in a good way. She would scream and say I've got to sort my shit out, which I didn't seem able. I could have done better. But, given she was a fully grown human at that point, it does seem like she wasn't that capable of being an adult. I think she spent the majority of the time battling her own issues/anxieties of being alone, and then the feelings of resentment and so on.

  3. #23
    Member Mxx's Avatar
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    Sometimes I watch wildlife documentaries and wonder what it's like to have a loving, warm mammal as a mother. But then the thought of a human mother repels me.

    I envy the reptiles who are left to fend for themselves without having to deal with the societal pressure of people thinking you should love your mother.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mxx View Post
    Sometimes I watch wildlife documentaries and wonder what it's like to have a loving, warm mammal as a mother. But then the thought of a human mother repels me.

    I envy the reptiles who are left to fend for themselves without having to deal with the societal pressure of people thinking you should love your mother.
    You must love your mother - there's no grandchildren in the picture, so why do you bother with visits?

    (nervous grin)
    Those who begin coercive elimination of dissent soon find themselves exterminating dissenters. Compulsory unification of opinion achieves only the unanimity of the graveyard.

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  5. #25
    Pull the strings! Architect's Avatar
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    Mine was great, other than being religious. Well she was religious in a good way, but post menopause she went non linear. Never could seem to understand that me being an atheist isn't a choice but rather I'm incapable of belief.

  6. #26
    Senior Member jyng1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Limes View Post
    we were generally well behaved and nothing like the spoiled fucking brats of the modern day, politically correct anti smack, positives vibes, everyone's a winner zeitgeist of parenting.

    Are your kids really that bad?

  7. #27
    Member noip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TeresaJ View Post
    Just wondering, because immature, narcissistic, or otherwise incompetent moms seems to be a theme here. I almost wonder if it's a prerequisite for being an NT.

    My mom's not narcissistic but she's definitely kind of immature. Emotionally she's kind of like a generally well meaning but largely lazy and incompetent teenager.
    My mother was a young 16-year old when she gave birth to me, so obviously a lot of growing up to do still, and with children to boot.
    She struggles a lot with more T-oriented mindsets. I believe this is something that could have been absolved with maturity via wisdom gained through experience/exposure to diverse people and learning to accept them as they are, though I realize that not even ripe adults have achieved that level of understanding. I believe she is ISFx. It can be very difficult, but unless people are aware of the different "realities" out there, they will always try and make others mold or fit into their own expectations. Being in the position of "parent", I understand that's unavoidable regardless. However, there are some things that can't be helped, like traits. In such cases, I believe it's best to learn how to work with strengths and weaknesses to produce more productive outcomes rather than forcing people to be something they're not.

    Otherwise, dealing with the usual-- projection, being an "extension" of herself, etc. Plus people often mistook her as my sister. Men hit on her in front of me. Sucks but we still have a great relationship. I admire her in more ways than not. We've also grown as people and I prefer that as opposed to, for example, staying stuck.
    Last edited by noip; 04-04-2019 at 04:01 PM.

  8. #28
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    It's great you have a good relationship with her. My mom, who I figure as an ISFP, was always very submissive to my dad, who's an ESTJ. Then when I got to be a teenager I found that I could pretty much tell her what I was planning to do and it might upset her but she never tried to stop me. Not so much projection for me so much as a sort of resigned disappointment.

    My mom's a very gentle, caring person, but definitely not an authority figure or even a particularly competent household manager. It's been interesting having her as a mother. I always knew my parents loved me, but I had to figure out a lot of things for myself, for better and for worse.

  9. #29
    Member noip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TeresaJ View Post
    It's like she never learns. She'll do something in the most inefficient way and if you tell her again and again and again how to make it easier on herself... It's like trying to maneuver an ocean liner. Even if she does manage to change a habit eventuality she always drifts back to her original course.
    Sounds like an ESFP coworker I had to train in. Drove me insane.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Makers's Avatar
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    Sound sane mom for me. Dad too.

    If anyone brought chaos into the household, it was me and my brother.
    "Long live the weeds and the wilderness!"

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