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Thread: What nice little things do you do for your SO?

  1. #31
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ACow View Post
    Oh sure, he's cute at times, but lets not kid ourselves, he's not exactly pulling his weight :P
    Oh... but you did kid yourself. (I warned you all!)

    With any luck, by the time he's 10, you'll have in home coffee service.
    People think they understand their own mortality, even when that understanding has just changed.

    --Meditations on Uncertainty Vol ξ(x)

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by ACow View Post
    Well first of all, its not that exhaustive, especially compared to most humans and most of human history :P Labor saving devices, division of labor and what not. Its one thing to put away clothes, its another to have to wash them manually. And I spent about 4-5 hours yesterday doing what I wanted: researching and writing at my desk, so its not like I'm snowed under.
    It appears you know how to manage your time, and use it well.

    Some things can be classified almost purely as 'upkeep/maintenance': they're a consequence of living and avoiding positive suffering, or desiring something else: so washing clothes, cleaning, kitty litter and nappies, yeah, that's not exactly thrilling stuff, but if you want to keep living comfortably, have a cat, or have a kid, well they've got to be done. And honestly, there's not much you can do to spruce those up into something inherently attractive or positive. We share those tasks, from my perspective, because of an internal sense of fairness and justice. Humans who don't share the burden while consuming the benefit, for the most part, I find quite contemptible.
    Justly so.

    Cooking on the other hand I view as something that's both a chore and an art. Its a 'positive externality' skill at that, and when you develop it, you improve life for yourself and all those around you. Yesterday for dinner we had crispy skinned salmon on brown rice salad with zucchini, onion, parsley, lemon-thyme and lemon and butter dressing. That would have been beyond me 10-15 years ago, but because we both kept at it and share the workload, not only does it give us something to bond over, but now we both get above-average meals for the rest of our (competent/shared) lives. Eventually we may move on from city life and either open up a little cafe or bed and breakfast, and being able to cook in that scenario opens up a way of life that might not otherwise be attainable.

    Personally, I'm driven by a general feeling of experimentation, knowledge-seeking, a kind of art/architecture creative urge, a kind of quest for tranquiity/peace and truth, and lastly compassion for others. ALso there's a bit of a 'positive externalisation' effect there, a desire to move the world from what is to what i'd like it to be.
    That makes perfect sense and is even quite motivational to read.

    Of course, as we get older, the uncomfortable question can be raised as to what about if your significant other became a net-drain: say through a stroke or medical incident. And lets also be frank, the baby is a net drain: its basically an immobile sack of potatoes with a mouth and an anus that needs to be fed, kept clean, and kept at a reasonably constant temperature. Oh sure, he's cute at times, but lets not kid ourselves, he's not exactly pulling his weight :P And in that there's definitely a prime portion driven by a care/desire for the well-being of others, especially others that I've chosen to take into my sphere (and assuming they don't become actively contemptible/unvirtuous beings themselves).
    Now this last sentence is interesting, especially in the face of most people's attitude of "family before all else". So you say that, if your wife, your child were to behave despicably towards you -- over a longer period of time, perhaps --, you might consider leaving them? If so, what transgression(s) would be grave enough to prompt this?

    You don't have to answer if this is too personal, I am just curious because one is wont to see families stick together; for better sometimes, yet often for worse.

    Quote Originally Posted by ACow View Post
    Yes, while this is true, its not something that motivates us personally.

    Not meant as an attack against you Teresa, but that's a line that we've both heard time and again in discussions around here and we can't say we agree with it. And after living through care of my own grandmother with dementia, I don't want to subject my family to anything like that voluntarily.

    I don't pretend to speak for my wife (though we've been close enough to agreement each time we've talked about it), and its not quite on topic for the thread (sorry people), but we hope first of all that euthanasia and assisted suicide is legal by the time our generation hits our geriatric years, that we've personally taken far more care and thought about our own retirement and grey years and end of life issues than our parent's generation (many using their children as a substitute retirement and end of life planning), and at the very least that if our children are helping to take care of us, that we have an attitude of gratitude and moving to use our resources and life decisions to make their lives easier in doing so, rather than a rather common attitude among the baby boomers around here of 'I want to stay in my own house and my children are so ungrateful, why don't they throw away their own lives to come watch me die for 10-20 years, they should be obligated'.

    Obviously we'll try to raise the bugger to be compassionate and caring and what not, but for me, parenthood is purely a one-way responsibility, and any fruits born from that are a bonus.
    That seems like a good attitude to have for both yourself and your child. I wonder if the root of all problematic parent-child relationships is the circumstance that the parent changed their mind about this at some point of the child's life.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Oh... but you did kid yourself. (I warned you all!)
    You clearly fibbed when you claimed to have surpassed your peak with the Holstein pun. Stand rebuked!

    With any luck, by the time he's 10, you'll have in home coffee service.
    By the time he's 10, he will also likely have figured out pocket money economics, so expect to be paying for this privilege in cash. (You might enjoy the bonus of being able to choose from a hand-drawn breakfast menu, granted.)

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by ACow View Post
    Yes, while this is true, its not something that motivates us personally.

    Not meant as an attack against you Teresa, but that's a line that we've both heard time and again in discussions around here and we can't say we agree with it. And after living through care of my own grandmother with dementia, I don't want to subject my family to anything like that voluntarily.

    I don't pretend to speak for my wife (though we've been close enough to agreement each time we've talked about it), and its not quite on topic for the thread (sorry people), but we hope first of all that euthanasia and assisted suicide is legal by the time our generation hits our geriatric years, that we've personally taken far more care and thought about our own retirement and grey years and end of life issues than our parent's generation (many using their children as a substitute retirement and end of life planning), and at the very least that if our children are helping to take care of us, that we have an attitude of gratitude and moving to use our resources and life decisions to make their lives easier in doing so, rather than a rather common attitude among the baby boomers around here of 'I want to stay in my own house and my children are so ungrateful, why don't they throw away their own lives to come watch me die for 10-20 years, they should be obligated'.

    Obviously we'll try to raise the bugger to be compassionate and caring and what not, but for me, parenthood is purely a one-way responsibility, and any fruits born from that are a bonus.
    That is a very admirable philosophy, and I won't argue against it. I think it's an excellent goal to aim for. ...Even if you do land closer to physical and emotional dependence on your child than you would prefer, at least you will have mitigated it as much as possible.

    Aging gets complicated.
    Too bad, Lady Une. You were far too lenient.
    As a soldier, yes. But as a civilian I lived an austere life.

  4. #34
    Quote Originally Posted by TeresaJ View Post
    That is a very admirable philosophy, and I won't argue against it. I think it's an excellent goal to aim for. ...Even if you do land closer to physical and emotional dependence on your child than you would prefer, at least you will have mitigated it as much as possible.

    Aging gets complicated.
    I can attest to that. My parents are hitting that pain in the ass age, and so are my husband's parents. I'm about as nurturing as a brick, and that's becoming a difficult thing for the needy elders in my life to come to terms with emotionally.

    Concurrently I'm starting to experience medical issues that stem entirely from the fact that I've been wearing one meatsuit for nearly fifty years and some of the parts are wearing out -- not an ailment that improves with time. I'd kill to de-age my lower back 20 years.

    PSA: All you whipper snappers out there...core strength and good posture are more important than brushing your teeth. You can replace teeth. Regular planking every night before bed and after every meal coupled with good posture and lifting techniques can contribute to maintaining a healthy back.

    So let me tie this into the op... my husband and I don't hold one another responsible for all the things about our respective parents that make dealing with them one of the most difficult aspects of our lives.
    Last edited by Sistamatic; 03-17-2019 at 02:58 PM.
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  5. #35
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arthur View Post
    You clearly fibbed when you claimed to have surpassed your peak with the Holstein pun. Stand rebuked!
    I appreciate the show of support, and perhaps I put the Holstein on a pedestal*, but this one was merely a "dad" joke.


    *In retrospect, clearly a dangerous practice though it obviously makes milking easier. The mental images the idea inspires would make for a great ad campaign for milking stools.
    People think they understand their own mortality, even when that understanding has just changed.

    --Meditations on Uncertainty Vol ξ(x)

  6. #36
    singularity precursor Limes's Avatar
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    I don't kill their cat when it drags its poo-fur ass across the floor and tries to get my feet.
    In fact, I won't kill your pets should be a profile check box on online dating sites

  7. #37
    singularity precursor Limes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    I appreciate the show of support, and perhaps I put the Holstein on a pedestal*, but this one was merely a "dad" joke.


    *In retrospect, clearly a dangerous practice though it obviously makes milking easier. The mental images the idea inspires would make for a great ad campaign for milking stools.
    I've heard of almond milk, soy milk and even cashew milk, but I didn't think you could milk a stool and to be honest, that's pretty disgusting.

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