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Thread: Attachment Style Survey

  1. #1
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    Attachment Style Survey

    Website where you can create an account and track changes over time:

    https://yourpersonality.net/attachment/

    Shorter test, results don't get saved:

    http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

    It's similar to the quiz in this thread, except that this one tracks more variables and more relationships.

    These are my results for attachment style traits:



    I've just thinking about how this has most likely changed over time. I think when I was very young (like a toddler) I was probably fairly secure in general. I mean, my mom was somewhat inconsistent in her caregiving, so I learned not to rely on adults so much, but I had my father and my grandmother as better examples (although they weren't the ones taking care of me as much as my mom was), and I always knew that I was loved.

    But then once I started relying on myself emotionally... I guess it was self-reinforcing. Other people and their emotions frightened me. Similar to what @Sloth was getting at in regards to intelligence, though I think for me I just associated that sense of fear with any sort of emotional outburst. For example, my father is very intelligent and very kind, but I always feared his anger.

    My relationship with my man has probably done more than anything to help me feel more comfortable with my emotions and others', which is a little ironic considering that he tends to be preoccupied and I tend toward security/avoidance, so it was a match made in hell in the beginning. We definitely had countless arguments in which some little thing would set him off because it triggered his insecurity, and I would just be confused and then pissed.

    Now I think we're both actually quite secure with each other.

    It's a little funny because he would never say anything bad about his childhood, and in my own mind I wonder how much is actually due to parents and how much is due to temperament. Like, even if my parents had both been 100% on their A-game, I suspect I would have had a naturally tendency toward avoidance rather than preoccupation as a coping mechanism.

    In theory it was inconsistent affection that led my man down his path. As for Indian parenting in general....

    Last edited by TeresaJ; 06-12-2019 at 01:11 AM.
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    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    Lol, that chicks hilarious.
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  3. #3
    Cooler than Jesus
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    Secure. I donít have the image but itís right on the secure axis, 1 notch from the furthest out.

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    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    Spoiler: >



    Hm, didn't get a "father" option.

    Oh right, that's because he's dead.

    (First time I've ever found humour in my father's death... I would thought they might wanted to have known what is *was like)
    Last edited by Sinny; 06-12-2019 at 05:34 PM.
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  5. #5
    Regular Joe stigmatica's Avatar
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    I took the mini-test. I landed about as secure/low-avoidance/low-anxiety as it gets, but I've been married for over 25 years. Would have scored dramatically different 20 plus years ago I'm sure.
    Quote Originally Posted by mara View Post
    my crime is that i disrupted the echo chamber

  6. #6
    Faster. Than. Ever. Sloth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sinny View Post
    I would thought they might wanted to have known what is *was like)
    What I found weird about this survey was that it won't ask you any questions about your father is he's deceased, but if you put that you aren't dating anyone it's like "just pretend that you are dating someone" well I haven't been in a committed relationship in 10 years and really have no idea what my hypothetical relationship would look like so that was weird to me. Funnily enough it landed close to much of the other bits though.



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    chaotic neutral shitpost jigglypuff's Avatar
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    yeah that looks about right.

    after learning more about attachment theory, i believe at my core my style is disorganized (comes out at my worst), but i have "earned security."

    (if it were to ask about past relationships, that marker would be WAY over into the preoccupied side.)

    interesting test! i like how it maps out attachment in different relationships.
    Last edited by jigglypuff; 06-12-2019 at 04:29 PM.
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  8. #8
    Moderator Thoth's Avatar
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    I took the mini test and landed at 3.89 anxiety and 3.67 avoidance.

    This isn't surprising given I am not in a relationship, nor am I seeking one. I'd probably test dramatically different if I was.

    If I had to make an honest guess; I had a good family so I'd bet my parents would land in the secure range, and I'm fairly selective about my friends, so they would probably land in secure as well... But partner? Yeah, I no longer trust women in any romantic capacity so I could imagine my partner high in one anxiety trait or another.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    I've never ran attachment theory for different relationships before... It confirmed what I've always known, I'm pretty darn comfrtable around all my friends.. I have brilliant friends who have all been around for the last 15-20 years... My mom, until recent years could never be rekied upon (Think Eminem & his mom, as depicted in 8 mile).. and as for partners... Oh boy.
    When tyranny becomes law
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  10. #10
    Sysop Ptah's Avatar
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    Mini test results:

    "According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 2.28, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 3.78, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance). "

    "Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders."

    Meh. Unsurprising.

    All my romantic relationships -- both short and long term, -- just sort of happened. I didn't chase, I didn't run. It either happened of its own accord as a dynamic emergent between our behaviors, or it didn't. Then, if and as it went on to become more, again in the sense of supervening upon the sum of our dynamic as it went, it worked for whatever time it worked, until it didn't, and that was that.

    I only ever fought to retain / repair one broken romantic relationship, and that was with my ex-wife. For that was a matter of principle -- I promised til death do us part, and I was doing all I could to repair our broken relationship on that basis. Alas, it was not to be (for she proved herself to have a foul and miserable soul, capable of lies beyond measure), and that was that.

    Romance had never been a pursuit of mine. It just sort of happened. But now I know better -- I won't let it, for it is nothing but (costly, destructive and yet oh-so-alluring) noise to the signal of the life I can and should live on my own. Because most other people -- women just being one sort of people -- are insecure, halfwit fuckholes out to ruin themselves at best, others at worst, whether they know it or not. No, thanks.
    Last edited by Ptah; 06-12-2019 at 07:39 PM.

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