I'm 28 years old and I'm already disillusioned with life. I don't like my career options. I don't like the work world. I don't like the people that I meet in the street, and their dumb talk, and their grasping at futilities. I don't seem to derive much pleasure from the things that used to sustain me. I have trouble making new friends. I don't read or write much anymore. I miss the past. I miss parts of my life that I've already lived well, times when there was a lot more freedom and promise and novelty. I don't like what time and age does to people. It doesn't seem to have impacted myself or my lifelong friends in a positive way. My mind is already not as sharp. I'm uninspired and afraid of adventure. I don't like what I'm doing with my time, but I also don't know what else to do. I feel disconnected from what's important to me. I would look to others for help, but everyone in this culture seems to be suffering from the same the diseases, and their answer to life is to spend all of their free time at the bar. I feel like I've lived my life for the last 3 years in a social climate, that while being friendly to me, is completely unsatisfying to me--people of far less intelligence and depth, people who just want to live at the bar and get by. I've had no one who is inspirational to me in my life for some time. I miss being in academia and I don't know how to make it work without trapping myself in debt. I feel stuck/have felt stuck for some time. I can't get decent work for any serious length of time. I'm still financially dependent on my family. All I want is a bottom-rung job that will give me enough money to support myself, to rent my own house, to have a health plan that covers therapy, to go to a festival or travel once a year, to afford classes and meditation retreats, here and there--what doesn't amount to a helluvalot money for a single person with no kids or debt--but I can't even seem to shake that out. I don't understand the logic of the work world. You can't get a job without experience, few offer training, and without opportunities, you can't get experience to begin with. Plus, you work under people who do have these jobs and you realize they're borderline retarded.
Is it weird to be as young as 28, and already missing the past and feeling like the better part of your life is over, and now you just want to die slowly and peacefully?
Am I wrong to be so pessimistic about adulthood? Western society seems like an invitation to waste my life.
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