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Thread: Would it be possible to love bomb yourself?

  1. #1
    KM's Avatar
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    Would it be possible to love bomb yourself?

    I was reading again recently about the narcissistic cycle of abuse and one article claimed the most dangerous part of the idealize-devalue-discard cycle is the one people complain about least: the love bombing.

    This other article suggests, "Love bombing works because humans have a natural need to feel good about who we are, and often we can’t fill this need on our own."

    Is that really true?

    "
    'I cannot play with you,' the fox said. 'I am not tamed.'" - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Le Petit Prince (1943)

    REMINDER TO SELF WHEN DEALING WITH THE RABBIT WARRIOR: "All warfare is based on deception." - Sun Tzu,
    The Art of War

  2. #2
    KM's Avatar
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    List of Love Bombing Behaviors
    (over-the-top displays of attention and affection in an attempt to influence another person)

    • lots of romantic conversation
    • long periods of staring into each other's eyes
    • long talks about "our future", aka future faking
    • romantic gestures (gifts)
    • romantic gestures (trips - quality together time)
    • lots of praise
    • intense sex
    Last edited by KM; 09-16-2019 at 11:28 AM.

    "
    'I cannot play with you,' the fox said. 'I am not tamed.'" - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Le Petit Prince (1943)

    REMINDER TO SELF WHEN DEALING WITH THE RABBIT WARRIOR: "All warfare is based on deception." - Sun Tzu,
    The Art of War

  3. #3
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    I've been watching quite a lot of videos on narcissism lately, mostly because they keep popping up in my feed with other mental health topics... yet the ones I've not yet watched were all entitled "love bombing" ... So I suppose I'll check those out now.

    But going from your description.... Narcissists probably do "love bomb" themselves, and probably none narcissists of the "personal affirmation" inclination probably do do this, in regards to "self love".

    I strongly suspect I have BPD and so the only "idealize-devalue-discard" phases I know of are of the BPD kind... which probably becomes pretty evident upon study of my blog, lol.

    Only I haven't discarded anybody (recently) yet.. I'm officially 2+ years into my longest relationship!

    My mother is narcissistic, and although there's far much ore devaluation than idealisation.. I can think of examples when these cycles happen.

    Throughout my early 20s my mother treated me as though I was the devil incarnate whilst my brother was her golden boy. Fast forward to know and the reverse is true... Although her attitude towards me has changed greatly, and now she's firmly shoved up my arse because I gave her a granddaughter, apparently she's oblivious to juts how nasty she is to my brother.

    I don't like that. He's got plenty of faults, but her duty as a parent is to help build him up, not tear him down.

    Though I can't relate to "love-bombing" myself... Self loathing makes up a large part of who I am.
    When tyranny becomes law
    Rebellion becomes duty.



  4. #4
    No Thank You Blorg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KM View Post
    "Love bombing works because humans have a natural need to feel good about who we are, and often we can’t fill this need on our own."

    Is that really true?
    Well, a more fundamental thing is true - that people need social interactions to orient themselves, and if they don't have social input, they become insane. This is an (almost) universal feature of the human brain and it's why solitary confinement can cause permanent mental damage.

    I think it's also true that people need social input to know who they are, as the case of Genie suggests.

    Damage is also done by far less severe social isolation. The author of this article (cited from wikipedia "social isolation") says that "The magnitude of risk associated with social isolation is comparable with that of cigarette smoking and other major biomedical and psychosocial risk factors. However, our understanding of how and why social isolation is risky for health — or conversely — how and why social ties and relationships are protective of health, still remains quite limited."

    So I think it's not just that we can't feel good about who we are when we're isolated - to varying degrees, we would struggle to maintain a stable perspective on the world, know who we are, and feel good about anything (including ourselves).

    Since even psychopaths go insane when in solitary confinement, I don't think anyone escapes this continuum of damage from lack of social input. I don't imagine that continuous negative social input would sustain mental health better than no social input at all, but I don't know that for sure. So in response to the question, I guess I'm leaning towards yes based on how important socialization is in the above cases, but not 100% certain.

    In response to the title question, I don't know but I don't think so. I don't know what people mean when they say that they love themselves. I don't believe its literal interpretation. I think that you can be proud of certain behaviors, expertise, appearances, or other qualities you possess. But "loving yourself" is too abstract because inside ourselves, we're just a collection of emotions, thoughts, and senses. In contrast, loving another always involves some degree of distance from that other (and total objectification of the other in the case of narcissists) - that's why it feels different to "love yourself" vs. love another.

    And likewise, "love bombing" yourself would have a much different effect from love bombing someone else because of the different type of manipulation involved. What would it mean...getting yourself presents, eating something delicious, going on a date with someone you love - when you do these things and still feel hollow, and then punish yourself for feeling hollow despite the self "love bomb," I suppose it's similar on the surface level to love bombing someone else.

    But the important difference is that psychological changes often do follow self-will. For example, you can make yourself a bit happier by forcing yourself to smile sometimes. And cognitive behavioral therapy shows that this kernel can be taken much farther. So a self "love bomb" could actually work, it could create a better mental state.

    A love bomb of another person could never work in a positive way, because the person doing it is manipulating an objectified other. (I don't know how to phrase it non-academically, sorry if pretentious.) The emotional feedback loop that exists in yourself doesn't exist here: there's no way to create a chain of behavioral improvements like in the scenario above. You (the narcissist this time) can't make yourself love someone else just by going through the motions.

    I think that narcissists are probably trying to love someone else when they love bomb, but they just can't. It's kind of similar to the other side of the coin - how empathetic people sometimes try to force themselves through violence to see those they hate as inhuman.

  5. #5
    Senior Member rokki balbotox's Avatar
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    The first thing that comes to mind when talking about love bombing oneself is the thought of all the people in my feeds that go to the gym incessantly and post pics of themselves

    Thinking about it more I wouldn't call it love bombing exactly but that's the first thing that came to mind

    I cant really see how love bombing could happen exactly without another person involved so if its love directed at oneself its probably self care

    And I dont particularly think that's a bad thing, just annoying when its excessively shared

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