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Thread: Inability to sustain a long-term relationship

  1. #71
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    As if you just broke up!
    When tyranny becomes law
    Rebellion becomes duty.



  2. #72
    Now we know... Asteroids Champion ACow's Avatar
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    Thanks to everyone for replying, it just seemed a really funny concept to me.

    If you wake up and she's standing over you with a castration tool...yeah, i get that might be slightly off-putting and you should probably reconsider the relationship.

    But aside from that, it just led me down the path of possible scenarios. Like controlling bank accounts, or actual physical violence...but I keep coming back to that doesn't have much (anything?) to do with gender.

    Me thinks there might be cultural differences, as it makes me picture Mr Dudley and Ting Tong rather than everybody loves raymond (which, might i add, might also be an american thing, because honestly, who is liking that show and paying for its production?), and the kind of men who have conversations about thai brides and how they're so desirable compared to "western women"...

    /internet virtue-signalling.

  3. #73
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    I think Rev finds the fact that I'm good at DIY and he's not, emasculating. He's also a lot more sensitive than me, although less expressive. I think he also finds that emasculating, and the fact that I'm far more assertive than him. He's accused me of being a sociopath in the past....

    I'm not, but it could look that way... I don't have the same values as him, or most people really.

    If somebody tried to mug us in an alley way, I'm more likely to be the one throwing punches and kneeing somebody in the balls, whilst he takes his time to process what is happening. I suppose that general dynamic is pretty emasculating.

    I've dated men who are far more masculine than Rev... But most of them are numbskull sensors.

    I'm still undecided non the best type to go for... Obviously, the perfect type is often out of reach.
    When tyranny becomes law
    Rebellion becomes duty.



  4. #74
    Senior Member rokki balbotox's Avatar
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    Well wait a minute cuz as much as I don't know Rev, I feel like I know Rev.

    What are the odds that he's just goofing the DIY stuff up so you'll quit asking telling him to do housework, when in reality he is capable of doing a nice job?

  5. #75
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rokki balbotox View Post
    Well wait a minute cuz as much as I don't know Rev, I feel like I know Rev.

    What are the odds that he's just goofing the DIY stuff up so you'll quit asking telling him to do housework, when in reality he is capable of doing a nice job?
    He's not, he's really not. I actually haven't asked him to do much. I ask him to mind the baby whilst I get on with the work.

    The tasks he's volunteered to do are never done well.

    For example, getting grey paint all over my white ceiling, despite the fact I *already masking taped a good margin of error* for him

    Then there was the whole fiasco with the flood, a task *he asked to do to prove he could do*. Ended up putting me 6 weeks and 150 behind schedule on this house.

    He doesn't feign incompetence, he just is.

    Like when we do sport/games together, I always kick his ass too. He wasn't expecting that, because he spent 10 years being more competent than his wife. (Lord knows how incompetent she was).

    He didn't realise the skills you pick up taking on the male role in an broken household growing up. I've never needed any man in my life, and probably never will.

    My grandad when he was around taught me many DIY things, despite the fact he was a deplorable individual in others ways, he took on very grandfatherly role, which included passing on skills to the younger generation. My Uncles & Cousins are all trades men. Had I have been born with a penis, I'd be working with them today.

    Rev did have a step father growing up who tried to teach him how to be "more of a man", but as the youngest of three and mostly the "invisible child", and the fact I think he's on the spectrum, I guess those manly lessons never really stuck..

    ** Edit, I only delegate a few more tasks to him these days because my back is legitimately fucked up. So now there's a lot more of me asking him to move heavy things and reach for stuff. In the past, I wouldn't even ask for that, but as I'm really struggling, now I do.
    When tyranny becomes law
    Rebellion becomes duty.



  6. #76
    Senior Member rokki balbotox's Avatar
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    "He doesn't feign incompetence, he just is."

    Lmao poor guys nuts are in a jar

    A lot of the guys I've dated didn't have dads so they also had to pick up the slack at home, too

    Like Rev, I'm pretty shitty with DIY too. Theres nothing fun about home maintenance. I hate painting, idgaf if it gets on the ceiling because that painter's tape isn't worth a damn. It requires too much attention to do such a repetitive and boring task. Plus you have to tilt your head all weird and its uncomfortable. Fuck painting. Fuck installing built in microwaves too, what a pain in the ass. Idgaf about how much looks except food/cakes/candy.. edible shit.. and admittedly my stuff isn't that aesthetically pleasing because I'm impatient and bored

  7. #77
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rokki balbotox View Post
    "He doesn't feign incompetence, he just is."

    Lmao poor guys nuts are in a jar
    Lol.. well, as previously discussed, I've either got to quickly get to grips with and accept this dynamic, or ditch it search of greener grass.

    I'm apprehensive though, is the grass really any greener?

    A lot of the guys I've dated didn't have dads so they also had to pick up the slack at home, too

    Like Rev, I'm pretty shitty with DIY too. Theres nothing fun about home maintenance. I hate painting, idgaf if it gets on the ceiling because that painter's tape isn't worth a damn. It requires too much attention to do such a repetitive and boring task. Idgaf about how much looks except food/cakes/candy.. edible shit.. and admittedly my stuff isn't that aesthetically pleasing because I'm impatient and bored
    I like the fact that it's repetitive, and requires so much/only so much concentration. I'm more than happy to assess a project, crack open a beer and get on with it, whilst listening to music or a podcast or something.

    I hate to see a job done badly, I really do. Just like I hate to see clutter, as a preferred minimalist. I like things to look tidy, and it's realllly bugs me if it's not.

    Actually, after this year, I'm starting to suspect that I have a bit of OCD.

    I actually felt like chopping my wrist off because I think my new tattoo is like 2mm off center.

    Stuff like that really messes with my brain.... sometimes, but not all the time.

    I've spent the last two months trying to come to terms with these two millimetres.



    I'm trying to reason with it, as the lady who done the new tattoo on my left wrist, previously tattooed my right wrist, and she lined them up to be symmetrical.

    I didn't realise that the one on my right wrist also about 2mm off center, so in fact, she has made them pretty darn symmetrical, but for some reason, this 2mm on the left is still bugging.

    I drive myself crazy on a daily basis... And this is the sort of craziness I usually just internalise.
    When tyranny becomes law
    Rebellion becomes duty.



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