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Thread: SNOW!

  1. #1
    fuck the chupacabra Randall's Avatar
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    Angry SNOW!

    Snow is fucking cosmic levels of bullshit. The constellation Taurus squatted over the Earth and took a giant shit on it in the form of snow. For those of you with ancestors smart enough to settle in a snow-free area, yes, it really is a big dog-fucking deal.

    Before I go to bed I shovel snow, when I wake up in the morning, I shovel snow, my drive to and from work takes way longer because of snow. Everyone drives unsafe, because they think saving 8 seconds on an hour long trip is more valuable than human life or cars. It's nerve wracking to drive along and see dozens of disabled vehicles, and nearly become one of them because some asshole jackoff scumbag want's to drive at speeds which are double his IQ.

    Then after a full day of work (where I am enlisted to do more shoveling), I get to go home only to find that I can't get in my fucking driveway! Why? FUCKING SNOW! So I park on the road with my 4 ways on, and shovel the driveway for an hour, all the while watching as cars skid down the street and nearly slam into my car. Part way through shoveling the driveway, I have to stop to tear down the Berlin wall of snowbanks. That's right, I had shoveled so much snow that I was physically unable to reach the top of the pile anymore. Fuck you, Snowbachev!

    Eventually I finished with that bumblefucking bullshit and parked my car in the driveway, only to have the snow plow come and deposit something that looks like brown snow at the bottom of my driveway. It actually isn't snow, it's a series of neutron stars disguised as snow. Well, the average shovel full of snow can weigh between 22 and 66 pounds, so this brown snow is probably only a few pounds away from creating an event horizon. All the while, the wind is trying to undo everything you do, while it stabs your face repeatedly with monkey-fucking ice crystals. Finally, after catapulting your ten thousandth pound of snow--no, no, wait, make that FUCKING SNOW-- for the day, you go inside to relax only to find out it's going to snow more the next dog-dick fucking day.

    FUCK I FUCKING HATE GOD DAMN SNOW! SHIT FUCK STUPID ASS CRYSTALLINE BULLSHIT GO BACK TO YOUR CLOUD! CRIMINY!

  2. #2
    NC-17 Delilah's Avatar
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    But, for the record, I love snow.
    You're using big words right now that you don't know the meaning of and you're capitalizing them. You shouldn't do that. ~Osito

  3. #3
    Tawaci ki a Gnaska ki Osito Polar's Avatar
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    I like snow. You can see it way up at the tops of the nearby mountains and it looks really pretty. Neville, why are you complaining? Think about all the opportunities this will give you to participate in winter sports! Or to get into snowball fights with neighborhood children!
    "I don't have psychological problems." --Madrigal

    "When you write about shooting Polemarch in the head, that's more like a first-person view, like you're there looking down the sight of the gun." --Utisz

    David Wong, regarding Chicago
    Six centuries ago, the pre-Colombian natives who settled here named this region with a word which in their language means "the Mouth of Shadow". Later, the Iroquois who showed up and inexplicably slaughtered every man, woman and child renamed it "Seriously, Fuck that Place". When French explorer Jacques Marquette passed through the area he marked his map with a drawing of a brownish blob emerging from between the Devil's buttocks.

  4. #4
    Global Moderator Polemarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Osito Polar View Post
    Neville, why are you complaining?
    Are you confused about who the OP is? Or is anyone who complains about a problem like this automatically Neville-like?

    EDIT: Oh, yeah, fuck snow. It really really sucks.
    We didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us.

  5. #5
    fuck the chupacabra Randall's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Osito Polar View Post
    I like snow. You can see it way up at the tops of the nearby mountains and it looks really pretty. Neville, why are you complaining? Think about all the opportunities this will give you to participate in winter sports! Or to get into snowball fights with neighborhood children!



    EDIT: This goes to Del as well.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Starjots's Avatar
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    This is why Florida is full of old people.


  7. #7
    Senior Member jyng1's Avatar
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    Move to Alaska, it's really warm up there...

    http://www.theatlanticcities.com/job...eat-wave/8296/

  8. #8
    igKnight Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Snow is linked in my mind with danger. Why? Because it's fucking dangerous.
    --Mention of these things is so taboo, they aren't even allowed a name for the prohibition. It is just not done.

  9. #9
    Senior Member skip's Avatar
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    Snow is for playing in, not living in.
    Yes, I smell like a horse. No, I don't consider that a problem.

  10. #10
    fuck the chupacabra Randall's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Snow is linked in my mind with danger. Why? Because it's fucking dangerous.
    Well, it does drastically increase the rate of heart attacks and road fatalities, so there's that.

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