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Thread: If both your arms were broken and immobilized...

  1. #1
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    If both your arms were broken and immobilized...

    How many people in your life would help you wipe your ass? Or vice versae?
    "Just because it's 2020 doesn't mean everyone has perfect vision."--catchphrase of a fictional comedian in some movie

  2. #2
    schlemiel Faust's Avatar
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    This made me wonder about the logistics of rigging a bidet under a hospital bed.

    I think a few would do it, and I'd do it for a few.

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    chaotic neutral shitpost jigglypuff's Avatar
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    Member Pan_Sonic's Avatar
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    3 for sure, but 1 is far and away the best option.

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    Senior Member Senseye's Avatar
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    I'd probably have to hire someone to do it.

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    Cooler than Jesus
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    I would simply not poop.

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    Cancerous autism in a can Eli Porter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ptah View Post
    Sig-worthy....

  8. #8
    Senior Member roki's Avatar
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    Using my toes, I'd dangle a babywipe over the arm of my bedside commode and scrape my ass on it, replacing with a new baby wipe until it's clean. Or turn the shower on with my toes and lean forward. I'd figure something out, but nobody is wiping shit from my ass unless they're a healthcare worker getting paid to do it.

    Once someone wipes your ass there's no coming back from it. No one's holding that favor over my head (except my mom whose duty it was).
    god's gift

  9. #9
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pan_Sonic View Post
    3 for sure, but 1 is far and away the best option.
    Shot in the educated dark, but I'm guessing your number one pick either is a caregiver accustomed to provide such assistance, or someone who already knows their way around your backdoor. I'm leaning number two.

    Quote Originally Posted by roki View Post
    Once someone wipes your ass there's no coming back from it. No one's holding that favor over my head (except my mom whose duty it was).
    I understand this thinking. Ironically, I think if someone takes care of your tuckus without judgment, expectation, someone does it because they care and see you need the help but isn't going to consider it a favour to be repaid--they're gonna have a bigger hold on you than the person who would hold it over your head for future favours. The latter case is someday going to be faced with, "We're even now". The other--being "even" doesn't enter the picture. It'll always be, "Yeah! Of course I'll help you bury another body! What are friends for?"
    "Just because it's 2020 doesn't mean everyone has perfect vision."--catchphrase of a fictional comedian in some movie

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