I decided to brave the cold wind and head outside for a walk, yet i had no clear destination in mind about where i should go. As i walked along the hard gravel road, I approached an intersection, to the left of me was a path a soft grass headed off in the direction of the ocean, and to the right, was more of the same gravel road which i had already traversed. the decision to head in the direction of the lush grass was not hard, and even though the alluring scent of the not to distant ocean, with the sounds of its waves lapping relentlessly at the beach in the distance, was indeed pleasing, it was the fact that my eyes had grown tired of the loose stones which laden the gravel road currently under my feet. Or at least that is what i tried to convince myself of.
as i followed along the path, which divided the lawn in the direction of the ocean, i decided to entertain the idea i had of feeling the sea salt misted lawn under my feet.i walked some more until i could see the ocean, however the beach was still not visible. i walked a little further still, to the edge of the grass, and i noticed that where the lawn finished, laid another path, which seemed to curl around out of site, and into the sunset. i could still hear the waves pounding at the shore line to what seemed to be the rhythm of the wind, the same rhythm which seemed destined to have me seek the warm refuge of shelter from the wind along the path which was laid before me. i thought about heading back, and at that moment the cold persuasive nature of the wind seemed to disappear, instead replaced by the sweet salty smell of the ocean. at once i noticed this, and i became aware of the fact that, not only had that scent surrounded me for longer than i was aware, but that i could also feel the ocean mist on my face, and taste it on my lips.
with the doubtful bitterness of the cold wind gone, again, it was easy to take that next step, and walk off the grass, along the path and around the sweeping bend and head off into what seemed like the sunset. as i took the first step around the curved path, my attention was drawn into the intricately woven relationship of the green foliage and pale pinks and purple hues of the flowers which seemed to engulf the path from each side. the canopy of the trees seemed to reduce the idea of a sea side walk with the raw power of the ocean, which was only within arms reach of the path, into a journey only able to be understood momentarily, down a tunnel of limitless boundaries and confusions. in awe of the powerlessness of the situation, i took solace in being able to find my ground in the awareness of the subtle yet complicated nature of a single flower, a single flower which had managed to grab onto me in the midst of my uncertainty and portray a sense of alluring doubt into my mind. as strange as this sounds, clutching onto that doubt seemed all that was containing my sense of sanity amongst the limitless confusion and that which it reduced me to. the more attention i gave to the awareness of this flower, the more my attention was pulled into a calming sense of doubt. my body struggled with my mind, of this doubt, how can it be cause for my sanity my mind said, all the while my body was simply resolved to the trust it had found in the relationship of doubtfull understanding.
again, i was seemingly pulled along a path in which i had no control, to take yet another step forward, struggling with my own mind, further dividing the already defined seam of swelling imaginative confusions between my mind and body. suddenly i started to feel overwhelmed, i realised i had arrived at a path which lead down through the sand and onto the beach, yet with the doubt which my body, and now also my mind clung to, i was unsure if i had indeed made my own way here, or if i was always here and i had imagined the path. as i stood powerless, i realised that while the confusions in my mind grew stronger as my mind attempted to convince itself it was in control, the waves also grew stronger. again i seemed to have no choice but to console to the fact my mind was confused and not able to be in control. i headed for the one thing that i had realised i was aware of this whole time, journey or no journey, path or no path, the ocean.
the waves seemed overcome with power of timeless, tireless relentlessness from the wind, slapping at the beach one after another. i could still taste the salty wind on my lips, but once again i was aware of the harsh, unrivalled power of it. the soft sand beneath my feet, seemed to seamlessly change to the hard, water soaked sand which resisted my attempts to leave footprints, as i confided more and more in the seemingly now irresistible pull of the ocean. i became consumed in myself as i realised that it was by my own will that i was not able to resist the seductive nature of the waves, their sound, their smell, their taste and least not their demand for submissiveness, that i convinced my mind to trust that flower and its doubt.
Even with the all the raw power of the waves, somehow, even after appearing to disperse all their energy onto the hard compacted sand of the salty moist beach, they still managed to glide seamlessly up and over the sand, stretching and inching out a little bit further each time, before gently rolling back into the ocean, or the source of their excitement, portraying the illusion of one continuous pulsating pool of rhythmic swelling and contraction, leaving only a glittering display of salty ocean foam, right at the furtherest point reached by the most daring and enduring of waves.
with the acute awareness of the silky, salty ocean foam glittering in the deep orange light of the fading sunset, once again i remembered the conflict between my own mind and body, and of the journey that led me to this point, and again the doubt. with the awareness of my confusions once again swelling to the point of uncontrolled rhythmic ideas, ideas which seemed to seductivley yet deceptively entertain their own idea of rhythmically, forcefully yet gently, parting the seam between my mind and body, my focus was now deeply entertained on the idea of trying desperately to resist the alluring fascination of the idea of having made opened the seam between my mind and body, or body and reality. my own understanding of my position on the beach, seemed to gently slip away, replaced simply with a rhythm, a rhythm gently placed into and over me at the same time by the ocean itself. the unequalled power which i had perceived in the ocean before seemed to have disappeared, leaving my body pulsating in tune with the same rhythm of the now calm content ocean. tho as calm as this newly perceived ocean seemed, its waves still continued to stretch back and forth over the sands, leaving its display of glittering salty earth bound pieces of ocean right at the furtherest stretch of beach that it could manage to consume.
i started to wonder, was it the ocean that wanted me consumed in its rhythmic oceanic rocking momentum, or had my mind been desperately earning to have this rhythm gently eased into itself. as my mind struggled to comprehend that which it had just concluded, i realised the reality of both ideas. if the ocean had lured me to its rhythm, than why, or if i accepted the idea of my mind longing for this rhythm made perceivable by the slender, gliding motion of the waves stretching out to consume as much beach sand as it could, than again, why?
The waves where now gently caressing the tips of my sand covered toes each time they moved themselves back and forth from the ocean. desperately seeking to regain some sort of control, sanity or just less confusion within my mind, i moved forward slowly down the beach a little more, cautiously fixing my attention on the ocean and its waves, trying not to elaborate on the idea of the ocean lulling me into itself.
i noticed that the more effort i spent into not trying to let my mind confuse itself, the harder it became to not be confused. my mind was spinning out of control and i started to find myself desperately trying to cling onto reality, and just when i found myself at the tipping point of not being able to ascertain reality from non reality, once again, my mind was saved from itself by the sensation of the silky movement of the ocean gently expanding itself up and over my feet. as the oceans outward stretch slowly started to contract and ease back over my feet and back into itself, i observed that my feet had gently started to ease into the hard, water soaked beach sand. the continuous rhythm of the ocean ensured that silky caressing motion of waves gliding over my feet continued relentlessly, not only protecting me from my mind, but also gently easy me even further into what seemed the object of the oceans desire, the beach.
in order to help reassure the idea in my mind that the ocean is not capable of such desires, as the waves continued to slowly glide over my now beach consumed feet, i cautiously stretched my arm out in order to clasp some of the oceans salty wet rhythm. the waves continued unaffected by my attempts to clarify them, so slowly i withdrew my hand and carefully pressed some of the rhythm to my tongue. it was saltier than i expected, but with the salty sensation a sense of strange delight helped satisfy my minds attempts to rationalise the moment, and to distract me from the possibility that the ocean was intent on consuming me into itself, beach first.
i accepted the fact that i was now in tune with the rhythm of the ocean, and in accepting that fact, i was able to find the strength within myself to start to try and ease my own rhythm into the ocean, beach first. i started to shift my focus from the waves which were still engulfing my feet, to exerting energy into some simple rhythmic movements, and so i slowly started moving my feet in and out of the sand in such a manner so as to turn that patch of beach sand which had consumed my feet, into an emulsion of wet, salty momentum. the waves seemed to start to move themselves in and out from the ocean faster and faster and stretch out to consume more and more of the beach the more i moved my feet about in the sand. my mind refused to accept the relationship between my movements and oceans, and then unexpectedly, the power of the waves had grown to the extent of managing to pull me down from my standing position, and onto my hands and knees, and i found myself with my face just centre metres from the watery grip of the ocean
the wind howled over me as if making some sort of statement, but as for what sort of statement i was unsure. with the last shimmer of sunlight stretching out over the entire sea salted misted beach, i was able to momentarily catch a glimpse of my own reflected image on top of the water. but no sooner had i noticed the reflection of myself, the cooperative nature of the wind and ocean had managed to hide it from me just as quickly i had noticed it. with my feet left feeling exposed to the cold touch of the howling wind on the edge of the ocean, the parts of me that had been pulled into the ocean, still with waves contracting around them, were now experiencing the watery warmth of the ocean provided by its, up until this point unnoticed, protective, nurturing personality.
i concluded the ocean wanted me to endure its rhythm, but was not willing to allow me to actively move my body in tune to it, let alone impart my own rhythm. however, it seemed to protect and chastise me at the same time, implying that any wrong doing originated from me, and any consequences from those wrong doings where then my own fault. the stark contrast of feeling the winds cold breath on my toes, and the oceans warmth gently gliding over the rest of my body, helped to reassure the idea of the nurturing side of the ocean in my mind.
my body craved to be reassured fully by the warm caress of the gentle movements of the ocean, free from the raw power of its waves. i thought about how i should go about manoeuvring my body into the best position to shield it from the harsh wind. i did not know wether to stand and fully endure the harshness of the wind, or risk upsetting the balance of the sand and waves again and crawl.
i was saved from the conflicting confusions of my own mind yet again when the ocean gently swelled beneath me, forcing its waves further back up the beach, and then subtly contracting as it caressingly clutched on to me in a way that i could not resist, and pulled me out and deeper into its warm, all encompassing protective movements. with my mind now reassured, it was able to think about what it had endured, free from any discomforts experienced by the cold wind onto my body. i was able to fully open and stretch out the muscles in my legs so that my toes where just in reach of the floor of the ocean, and my mind found pleasure in the idea of remembering the sensation of moving to its own rhythm and movement within the wet sand, while my body was feeling content and consumed in the warmth provided by the ocean, knowing that it was safe from the relentlessly lapping of the beach by the waves. with my mind and body both now satisfied and content, i was able to experience the pleasurable contentment of the oceans rhythm. gently it moved my body to and fro, while i observed the clarity in my mind. with my mind i thought about all the conflicts, and unwillingness that i had brought forth from within myself, the times when i had resisted, all the while the ocean had sought to protect and shelter my body, in order ease the conflicts and doubt within my mind.
even tho my body had been sheltered by being consumed in the ocean, my head had been left exposed above the silky, shimmering ripples of the ocean, and the distract full nature of the cold wind became apparent as the cold head sitting just above the warm ocean, with ripples lapping at its face, sought to remind me of my displacement, or seek to take away from me the pleasurable contentment i was experiencing, and remind me of the man that had now been left floating neck deep out in the water. the way i saw the situation, i had two choices. i could continue to let myself be overwhelmed by the feelings of pleasure and contentment, or i could find myself floating in the water with the now cold, distracting wind. rather than letting the reality of the situation and its two choices confuse me, my mind seemed calm and clear. i thought about waiting to see if the ocean would decide for me again, saving me from the notion of being in control of my own actions.
i reflected back upon my journey, and i realised that the ocean had been very persuasive at opening the seam to that place between my mind and body. by using its rhythmic movements, it was deliberately making known to me the origins and location of my imagination, and making open the outer edges of reality and fantasy contained within that inner space normally guarded by that outer seam.
with each ripple that i felt against my face, it was as if the ocean was filling my imaginative space with more and more imagination. my mind groaned and my body become overwhelmed with an awareness of an ache that seemed to have always been present but never acknowledged. i tried to contain my mind as it groaned some more while the ocean relentlessly tried to expand it more and more to a seemingly unreachable point of expansion. the longing which my mind had sheltered me from by distracting me from that unsatisfiable ache contained in my body became apparent above all else. my body was either singing to the tune of the ocean, or finding its own inner rhythm within the ocean.
I started to realise why my mind guarded me from this eternal aching and why my body guarded my mind from its own imagination, and that only i contained the desire to overcome both with the knowledge of myself. the imaginative pool that had been created by the ocean relentlessly filling my most sacred and hidden dwelling, started to expand and contract in on itself. the memory of the glistening salty ocean foam that i had observed on the sands of the beach came into my mind, and the rhythm of the waves seemed to subdue and disappear, whether by being consumed by itself, or simply because it had been made known to me i am not sure. however, that which came to replace it was a strong surge of pulsating irregular contractions, which seemed to work together to expel me from the body of water which i had come to know as the ocean. before i had been totally withdrawn and ejected onto the beach, my gaze was caught by the watery textured ripples of the ocean. in those textures all manners of form and colour became visible to me, mixed with thoughts, ideas and infinite periods of time spanning an infinite length of time. suddenly i sensed that i was becoming the water, and i was overcome with fear. fear of not knowing who i was.
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Originally Posted by Ptah
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