Page 1 of 6 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 51

Thread: did you have narcissistic parents?

  1. #1
    Member
    Type
    XNTX
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    63

    Did you have Narcissistic parents?

    http://www.bandbacktogether.com/adul...nts-resources/

    and if so, how has that influenced how you are and who you surround yourself with? how/when did you figure it all out? also, what mbti type do you think your narcissitic parent(s) are?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Starjots's Avatar
    Type
    INTP
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    1,754
    Meta - do you? If so, at what age did you become aware of this? Do you have other siblings that agree with your conclusion?

    I don't think my parents were narcissists, but am interested in the topic for other reasons.

  3. #3
    Member
    Type
    XNTX
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    63
    at least one of them, recently in the technical/descriptive sense, yes.

  4. #4
    Member
    Type
    intp
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    758
    My Dad is a narcissist. He basically just has no interest in anything to do with me beyond the superficial. e.g. after getting back from traveling around the world I visit him for the first time: not a single expression of interest. I find it pretty upsetting, to say the least.

    How it's affected me: I've found it to be really terrible to have a parent who genuinely has no interest in me and who only ever uses me to satisfy their own need for attention. Because of this I really don't want to be a narcissist. I want to have genuine relationships with other people, not just a one-sided thing which eventually kills off all life in the other person. I think about this sort of thing more than the average person. I get a bit paranoid at times that I exhibit narcissistic traits. About 5-8 years ago I got really concerned and spent some time working on developing genuine interest in other people. Because of that I think I can be quite good at showing interest in other people relative to the average However I sometimes need to consciously try and sometimes I seem to lose interest altogether and that makes me wonder if I am just faking it.

    My Dad also has a grandiose perception of himself, where he, for example, blatantly proclaims how great he is at certain tasks, fishing for compliments or something. I think that's a pretty embarrassing trait but I've found myself doing it with my ex-girlfriend, probably because I became quite close to her. I'm fairly ashamed of such things and I'm not sure if it's behaviour that I've just learnt through observation, or whether I've inherited the condition and it's hard-wired into me. I'm also not sure how much of that is normal and where it becomes over-the-top, because I think some level of ego, and feeling somehow "special" is probably a normal thing.

    In addition to that, I seem to have a really hard time when people ask about me. I usually give a short answer that doesn't say very much. I seem to have a kind of expectation that the person asking isn't really interested and there is an actual conscious voice in my head saying something like "don't waste this person's time; they're not genuinely interested; they're only asking because it's polite". I'm pretty sure that would be due to growing up with narcissists.

    My mum actually told me that he's a narcissist when I was about 17 (not sure what the intention was with that - they divorced when I was 6). I read descriptions and thought "maybe". Over the years I became convinced. I don't know how I feel about psychological classifications, but I just use this as a term to describe the bullshit behaviour. I haven't discussed it with my brother. We don't seem to really be able to talk about anything. I ask him questions like "what sort of things have you been doing in the past 6 months?" and he'll say "oohh... not much... bit of work, you know?" No amount of probing gets anything. He seems incapable of discussing anything with substance, like it scares him, I don't know.

  5. #5
    non-canonical Light Leak's Avatar
    Type
    INTP
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Lost-Hope
    Posts
    1,972
    Some of the stuff in the link sounds a lot like my mom, but I don't think she actually has NPD.

  6. #6
    eyeing you rabbit warrior kitsune's Avatar
    Type
    xxxx
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    a vast moor in the old world brimming with jackrabbits where three rivers decussate
    Posts
    1,338
    I realized it today.

    I knew my mom was difficult, but I didn't realize it was this bad. I read "The Narcissistic Mother" on Psychology Today. She hit every single point. I had always attributed our difficulties to standard mother-daughter strife or being the typical overly critical Asian mom.

    It's effect on me? Low self-esteem even after lots of therapy. Relationships with passive, emotionally unavailable men. A slew of other issues, some I've slayed, some with which I still struggle.

    Not sure what her MBTI type is. Probably an ESxJ of some sort.

  7. #7
    New Member
    Type
    iNTP
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    12
    Yup.
    Narcissistic INFP E6 mother, Covert type. Very clingy; seemingly wants me to be Her parent or/and lover..
    How it's influenced me: I'm an emotional wreck; that is emotionally wrecked.
    I feel like I can almost never relax, as a relaxed state of mind will instantly provoke paranoia and even psychotic-like symptoms in me, thinking that people around me are after me/are just waiting for a chance to attack me [paranoia] and when I take a look at stuff like a pendulum clock I'll be afraid that time is gonna stop [psychotic symptoms].
    I believe all of this has been caused in me as a result of the mindgames my Narc has played on me.
    All her games and methods are subtle and near impossible to tell to an outsider with any credibility.
    It's just the mocking/disrespectful way she laughs, the grin, the hurtful references in every [supposedly casual] conversation (which seem like random references without meaning to outsiders, unless the outsider is clever and observant (y'know, like myself)), the seductive charm and the excessive flattery always without explanation or reason and expressed with excessive attempts of appearing sincere, the very threatening demeanor/facial expressions she makes if I dear question her - that I've grown accustomed to recognizing, etc (which of course are followed up by Narc rage if not responded to).
    So because of the subtlety I've been questioning myself for a really long time, and still am.
    Actually the worst part is how she fakes being nice/genuine all the time as it's hard for me to resist feeling guilty (and become increasingly anxious and worrying around people that I'm doing something "wrong" (obviously I'm also E6)) for excluding her from my life, since I've basically been programmed by everyone [in my family etc] not to trust myself, and I've been rejected by many people generally, reinforcing in me that I can't trust rely on myself.
    Basically the whole E6-thing: getting anxious over noticing that I might be coming off as anxious = endless spiral of concern that nobody's going to believe me/might want to put me into a mental hospital, etc, when all I really need is some basic level of reassurance that I'm to be considered and treated as a full human being, not anti-psychotics or something.
    So again more paranoia, etc.

    I almost don't surround myself with anyone/mostly keep inside or/and occasionally walk around by myself.
    Last edited by Secretly Insane; 03-28-2014 at 05:45 AM.

  8. #8
    Banned
    Type
    INTP
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Desolation Row
    Posts
    3,942
    There is something that bugs me about the ease with which people use these kinds of labels.

    What happened to just saying I can't stand this person? Or "my relationship with this person is difficult"? Or I hate this person (oh, hate is a strong word, so can't use that!)? This is what people really mean when they say things like this.... they aren't interested in any actual diagnosis and what that entails.

    Also, it suggests an external locus of control rather than an internal one.
    Last edited by msg_v2; 03-28-2014 at 03:16 PM.

  9. #9
    Merry Christmas Dot's Avatar
    Type
    INFP
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    near a castle
    Posts
    3,465
    I agree (msg_v2). Also, the word narcissism has completely lost its shape from overuse.

  10. #10
    Aporia Dysphoria Dirac's Avatar
    Type
    INTP
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    785
    Quote Originally Posted by msg_v2 View Post
    There is something that bugs me about the ease with which people use these kinds of labels.

    What happened to just saying I can't stand this person? Or "my relationship with this person is difficult"? Or I hate this person (oh, hate is a strong word, so can't use that!)? This is what people really mean when they say things like this.... they aren't interested in any actual diagnosis and what that entails.

    Also, it suggesys an external locus of control rather than am internal one.
    Narcissist is much more specific.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •