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Thread: Lilfe choices

  1. #1
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    Lilfe choices

    - I need to feel engaged, absorbed in something. Otherwise I feel wasted, empty, demotivated, undriven.

    - Well what are your options then?

    - Well I am stuck in this fucking job/life because I need the money flow. I need a certain security.

    - Well if you did not have a wife and a kid would you still need that?

    - I am not sure. I am with my wife for the last 22 years. I don’t know how things would turn up if I did not meet her. I can only hypothesize and most probably I would be way off in my predictions. There is no way to know what I would actually do and even if there is, so what? Am I going to dump her and my son and go do whatever it is I would do, if I had never met her?

    - So would you still need the security and money flow?

    - Well. Ok. Let’s hypothesize then. I guess that if had no mortgage, no wife and no son and no house, no furniture, no aircondition, no mobile phone, no fire place, no sports equipment, no tv, no pc and no cars… then I would need less security and less money flow.

    - But still you need food, a bed, clothes, shoes, a roof, don’t you?

    - Yes but that is way cheaper than the above. And also I would have the freedom to be on the move anytime I wanted to. I mean I could work for 6 months in any job and rent a cheap studio and then travel for another 6 months with a bike or on foot and couch surf or pitch a tent or something along those lines.

    - OK. So what you are saying is that your wife and consequently your child are holding you back from your dream. And your dream is more or less to be a bum who lives life moment by moment without any serious responsibilities or commitments. Exploring and learning.

    - Well, yes something like that.

    - Ok then. Why don’t you sell everything, divorce your wife and abandon your kid and go do whatever the fuck it is you want to do?

    - Fuck you man. What are you talking about? I love my wife and kid. There is no way I would do that to them.

    - Ok then. Suck it up and keep doing whatever it is you were doing.

    - No.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Starjots's Avatar
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    - Is this a midlife crises?

    - Sounds like it, but what do I know since I'm not you.

    - My point is, you have to step back and look at the bigger picture.

    - What did you think I was doing?

    - Right, I guess my point is that we like to think we're all unique but in most ways are we humans are quite alike. Other people have similar thoughts and feelings all the time. What matters is the choices we make individually. Maybe that's all we are, choices we make given the same thoughts and feelings impressed on us by our nature and nurture.

    - And?

    - There is no spoon.

  3. #3
    sane in insane places kali's Avatar
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    Have you tried investing in amway?

  4. #4
    libertine librarian sandwitch's Avatar
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    You should buy a boat.

  5. #5
    Senior Member skip's Avatar
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    Sounds like it's time to put some work into your marriage.
    Yes, I smell like a horse. No, I don't consider that a problem.

  6. #6
    Now, let's get the wife to post about how her life could have been so much better without username.

  7. #7
    Tawaci ki a Gnaska ki Osito Polar's Avatar
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    Have you tried talking with your wife about how you're feeling unfulfilled? I noticed in your post that you're pretty nonspecific about what you'd do with freedom if you had it, yeah? You said you want to explore and learn stuff. I don't get why you'd need to ditch your present life in order to do that.
    "I don't have psychological problems." --Madrigal

    "When you write about shooting Polemarch in the head, that's more like a first-person view, like you're there looking down the sight of the gun." --Utisz

    David Wong, regarding Chicago
    Six centuries ago, the pre-Colombian natives who settled here named this region with a word which in their language means "the Mouth of Shadow". Later, the Iroquois who showed up and inexplicably slaughtered every man, woman and child renamed it "Seriously, Fuck that Place". When French explorer Jacques Marquette passed through the area he marked his map with a drawing of a brownish blob emerging from between the Devil's buttocks.

  8. #8
    Global Moderator Polemarch's Avatar
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    This does sound like a mid life crisis.

    When you got married and had kids in the first place, didn't you realize you'd be giving up the freedom to do other things? Did it really take 22 years to sink in?

    I'm with the others - it sounds like you're not happy in your marriage, and maybe if you worked on that, life would be more fulfilling for you. Also - having a wife and kids doesn't mean you can't pursue new interests and do new things. It just means you can't take risks as easily. You've made your choices - all you can do now is figure out what you want and make the best of it.
    We didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us.

  9. #9
    a fool on a journey pensive_pilgrim's Avatar
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    Needing to feel engaged and absorbed in something doesn't necessarily mean that you need to abandon your current life, does it? Do the wife and kids necessitate that you keep the exact job that you're currently in? Does your job even matter if you can find something in your free time that will fill that need? So maybe traveling around exploring whatever you want at whim isn't really an option, but I think that just means you need to take a more careful and measured approach to figuring out exactly what it is you want from life.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by skip View Post
    Sounds like it's time to put some work into your marriage.
    This, and…

    If you really want to do something different, lucrative, innovative, significant…whatever your dream is…

    Sleep less, get up early, write those articles/that novel, invent that something that will change the world,

    Stop wasting time--dump the computer games, stop watching TV, give up the petty indulgences,

    Embrace discomfort and start taking personal risks,

    Self indulgence and fear keeps people back--sometimes a little impulsivity is a good thing.

    Recruit your family to come along for the ride.

    And, work on your marriage. With a strong, stable family and personal life, you're more likely to succeed.

    If you want to take risks, be conservative in your personal life. Save your personal money while you risk OPM. Rice and beans are nutritious--you'll lose weight.

    Bottom line, take risks, work your ass off, if you fail, try again--if you can't handle this, keep your day job and don't complain.

    If you're depressed, see a shrink--medicine is a wonderful thing.

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