I drink to make myself understandable

**Dynamic** · 03-01-2014, 08:27 AM

I had a talk with my mom tonight, because she said she was worried about me. My ancestry is Irish, which gives me a high chance for alcoholism.

However, I hate to be truly *drunk*. I get there sometimes, when I go out for a long night, but otherwise, I try to limit myself.

But, I drink often. I drink to make other people understand me. When I am sober, I have a very small group of people that understand me. If I try to explain my ideas to other people, they give me a blank stare. They cannot understand what I am saying, no matter if I say it correctly or not.

It is so strange...I have no ability to respond to people in clever, thoughtful ways when I am sober. I stumble, mumble, say incorrect things (and I know they are incorrect right after I say it), and act uncomfortable when I am sober. I do this because I know that what I am saying is too confusing for most people, due to previous experiences, and I cannot figure out a way to go to the level of a normal person.

However, if I drink, I can take my ideas, and relate them in a way that normal people understand. Every successful business idea I've had has been explained when I had been drinking. Most of the relationships I have had were started when I was drinking. Everyone loves me, and thinks I am so intelligent, interesting, and fun when I am drinking...but I cannot maintain the same persona when I am sober. Why does this have to be? Why do I have to drink to speak normally? I just don't get it.

I hate this. I love to drink, because it is fun in general, but I wish this could limit it more without giving up having a legitimate social life. I wish I did't have to use a chemical to dumb myself down to connect with people. It pisses me off, and makes me sad.

*Drunk - unable to keep myself upright without wobbling, or unable to walk in a straight line.

**OrionzRevenge** · 03-01-2014, 08:42 AM

The Drinks just give you cover to take risk. If you do or say something stupid, well, I was drunk, so no fault.

Play-act like you're drunk and see if you don't have the same (actually better, I mean, you are sober) abilities to communicate.

**Polemarch** · 03-01-2014, 06:03 PM

This sounds a bit like social anxiety.

**Dynamic** · 03-01-2014, 06:06 PM

Originally Posted by OrionzRevenge

The Drinks just give you cover to take risk. If you do or say something stupid, well, I was drunk, so no fault.

Play-act like you're drunk and see if you don't have the same (actually better, I mean, you are sober) abilities to communicate.

I've tried that. It doesn't work. Luckily, I only feel the need to go be social maybe once a week or so.

Originally Posted by Polemarch

This sounds a bit like social anxiety.

Yeah, probably. I had really serious social anxiety in high school, but thought I had gotten past it in college. Maybe it has started to return.

**aT?/?Ta** · 03-01-2014, 07:19 PM

I have had that same problem my entire life, I drank pretty heavily from the age of 12 to 16 and than i became a serious pothead! Ignorance truly is bliss, I was an extremely shy person growing up and lacked the self confidence to even try to interact socially with "quote" normal people. But Alcohol did turn me into a completely different person i could be just as charming and witty and FUN in a crowd full of strangers as i could with the small click i was comfortable with, but i had a problem with over-indulgance and i wnt frm life of the party to a poster child for moderation. I was always and for the most part still am a very quit and reserved person. To me it was like you say i didnt kno how to talk to people without worryn ima say sumthan lame or fumble my words and look lik a idiot so i just sat back and stayed with a controlled look on my face and made people have to speak to me and it gave me time to formulate a clever or confident reply,so i came off as cool calm and controlled and whn i did speak it was always smooth bc i never rushed to say anythang to anybody and that scared people and gave me instant respect were ever i wnt and as i started to cultivate this public persona and saw that most people despite my small stature were genuinely intimidated by me and this gave me the confidence to act more open and assure of myself n social situations like drugs had did. The most important thang i hav learned is that drunk or sober 99% of people have absolutely no interest in anythang you have to say rather it b a million doller business idea or what you had for lunch. So tryn to have normal conversations with most people is pointless. If sumbody asks you how ur doin? they dont expect to hear what comes out of the mouths of people like us which is actually what we feel inside. People like us lack the ability to fabricate hollow n meaningless back and forth jargen that makes up most social interactions. we deal in truths and im sorry my friend but nobody wants to hear the truth. Except those few people who we become close to, that come to expect it from us and seek our councel because no matter there problem is we have a solution. So dont put very much stock into wanting to be a social butterfly were hornets bruh.

**HilbertSpace** · 03-01-2014, 07:28 PM

The true test is if you have to get other people drunk to make yourself understandable. Try explaining emergent phenomena to a die-hard engineer type, and you'll get nowhere fast. Get him drunk first, and you'll have a fantastic discussion.

Edit: I don't mean Irish-drunk. I mean consuming enough alcohol for ego-relaxation and open-mindedness.

**Osito Polar** · 03-01-2014, 07:35 PM

Originally Posted by Dynamic

Everyone loves me, and thinks I am so intelligent, interesting, and fun when I am drinking...but I cannot maintain the same persona when I am sober. Why does this have to be? Why do I have to drink to speak normally? I just don't get it.

Okay, here's the thing --- what changes when you drink is something inside of you. It alters the lens through which you perceive what is happening around you, it alters your perception of yourself, your mood and it changes what risks you are willing to take. What you'll find is that if you are freely speaking and the tone of your voice sounds confident and warm, people will like you. If you exude happiness and enthusiasm for something people don't totally understand they will like you and want to share the experience of your joy.

There are two ends that need work if you're going to make a connection with people. One of them is just being willing to open up your end of a connection. Is there a problem there? I guess you'll know if there is. That's something you can control.

It does sound like you suffer from social anxiety and a certain lack of confidence.

**stuck** · 03-01-2014, 07:38 PM

Your personality is not set in stone.

Make it a point to strike up conversation with a stranger every day- sober.

**OrionzRevenge** · 03-01-2014, 08:18 PM

Originally Posted by stuck

Your personality is not set in stone.
...

Yeppers, Malleability

Some days I just wish I could take every youngster by the side and whisper...

**Dynamic** · 03-01-2014, 08:33 PM

Originally Posted by Osito Polar

Okay, here's the thing --- what changes when you drink is something inside of you. It alters the lens through which you perceive what is happening around you, it alters your perception of yourself, your mood and it changes what risks you are willing to take. What you'll find is that if you are freely speaking and the tone of your voice sounds confident and warm, people will like you. If you exude happiness and enthusiasm for something people don't totally understand they will like you and want to share the experience of your joy.

There are two ends that need work if you're going to make a connection with people. One of them is just being willing to open up your end of a connection. Is there a problem there? I guess you'll know if there is. That's something you can control.

It does sound like you suffer from social anxiety and a certain lack of confidence.

Well, I feel like I am pretty confident on average. Some days more so than others, to the point of being egotistical and arrogant if I do not control myself. That is actually something I have spent a lot of time working on.

But, I think my social anxiety is coming back. It is even creeping into me when I am talking to some people I have known for years. I can't slow my thoughts down enough to translate them into words in the correct way. Sometimes I can stop this, if I focus on it before it starts, but once it starts, I can't figure out how to turn it off. It drives me nuts.

However, I probably overstated it in my first post. I went for some drinks last night, so I was a bit drunk then, and at that point it always seems to me like I have more of a problem when sober than I really do. It isn't a constant thing, and I can talk to people in a normal way often. It just bothers me so much when I can't, and it gets worse with the amount of people around. I do much better with a small group, or in an environment that doesn't completely overload me with sensory input. Alcohol just guarantees that it will not happen, and that I will be successful in social interactions...as long as I do not drink too much. Being completely smashed makes my communication skills break down, as it does for most people.

After spending the day really thinking about this, I think it is related to everything that is happening in my life right now. I am in such a state of uncertainty about the next year or so, and have so much constantly in the back of my mind, that I think it is confusing me. Maybe it is just anxiety, and stress, in general, and my underlying social anxiety amplifies it in some situations. While I have always had this problem with talking to certain people, it used to be much more limited, and only caused me issues with people that I didn't really care to talk to anyway.