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Thread: Nightmare Jobs

  1. #11
    Senior Member Tetris Champion notdavidlynch's Avatar
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    If he was doing it all deliberately, then he's my hero.

  2. #12
    My last job was basically to read various microsoft tech support websites over the phone to a nonstop river of humanity that was too dumb to look it up themselves, while pretending that I was an "engineer". If any problem ran outside the purview of the ready-made material, or the provided solution didn't work (frequent), the only search engine available was bing, and you couldn't actually click on any of the links unless it was part of a microsoft website, otherwise you would get an "access denied" page. 50% of the time the customers would just say something like "this is bullshit" and hang up if they had any software or network problem any trickier than needing a restart.

    I had to get up at 4:30 am every day and walk past a disabled employee in a wheelchair who lived in the company parking lot in an RV, who had been there for 6 years, and "loved it". To access the "resources" of this glorious tech support Valhalla I had to come in to work early, go through the setup process for Windows 8 on a new user in order to simply clock in, and then use literally five different logins before I could even begin work, six if you include logging into the phone. If you were seen with a cellphone you would be automatically fired, and bathroom breaks were discouraged.

    In the unfortunate (this was a banned word in the office that I relish the ironic use of) event that we actually reached a point where I couldn't help a customer any further according to documentation, the process to hand them off to a more qualified individual required filling out several paragraphs of paperwork while keeping them on the phone, then waiting 15-20 minutes for a bearded, morbidly obese supervisor with a ponytail and ten other workers ahead of me to stroll around, tell me that I filled out the paperwork wrong, come back, and another 20 minutes later- after going through the entire troubleshooting process again from beginning to end in front of them- finally initialing and OKing the process after much inspired shit talking with the mute button on. All while I was expected to gently coo into the customer's ear and make on-topic microsoft related smalltalk and/or sales pitches. This process would typically take around an hour to complete, and at the end of the call I would be rewarded with another nonstop torrent of customers, all with no idea what kind of Kafkaesque situation they were walking into and I with no way of warning them.

    In the end, the only thing I found surprising was that they had not yet figured out a way to make us take calls during lags in conversation with other calls. Every manager was either an alcoholic or a cokefiend, and everyone smoked green or brown outside in the snow under what looked like a stolen bus shelter. Every "team" had at least one meth head. The downstairs bathrooms had showers that I assume were there to accommodate employees who were homeless or slept in their cars, in order to supply the company with an adequate stream of adequately desperate chattel to replace the incumbents who broke down at a fairly predictable rate.

    The parking lot was covered in fast food garbage and cigarette butts, every car either needed bodywork or had a bumper sticker emphatically placed on the place that needed bodywork, the parking spaces were all too small giving each driver about a foot of door clearance on either side to slither out of their cars with, the exterior of the Hitleriffic Brutalist work bunker in question had darkened windows that made noon look like sunset from the inside, creepy LED lighting, was stained with mold, the elevators didn't work, the fire exit was locked, and magnetic sensors placed around the building audibly tracked your ID tag as you moved throughout it, like a cavernous, sentient, malevolent spaceworm. It produced a series of clicking noises which followed you down the hallway ever reminding you that you were being paid to work inside of a giant lime green and purple grape kool-aid painted panopticon. A Hollywood Video call center manager was rumored to have killed himself inside the building shortly before it was sold in 2010 to my employer which happened to be newly acquired again by another larger BPO that purchased it around the time of my departure during an employee vomiting epidemic.

    Nightmares are real.
    Last edited by flurps; 04-03-2014 at 10:10 AM.

  3. #13
    Now we know... Asteroids Champion ACow's Avatar
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    Yeah, the real lesson to take away from all that is that I still can't tell whether he really did have early onset dimentia or not, because the symptoms of alzheimers and the symptoms of being an executive are pretty much identical...

  4. #14
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by notdavidlynch View Post
    If he was doing it all deliberately, then he's my hero.
    I was thinking something similar.

  5. #15
    know nothing pensive_pilgrim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by flurps View Post
    Nightmares are real.
    Hahahah this awesome

  6. #16
    Member Mxx's Avatar
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    Spanish/English Interpreter at a chicken plant. Smells that rot the very soul. Sights that make you question your humanity. I didn't last long.

  7. #17
    The Pompatus of Love C.J.Woolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roger Mexico View Post
    PIRGing (door to door fundraising for political lobbying campaigns)
    A PIRG guy once visited my house. I made a donation because I agreed with PIRG's politics despite the fact that the guy had body odor. (Way to live down to the hippie stereotype, man.) That was before Ralph Nader (PIRG's founder, I dimly remember) ran for president in 2000 and threw the election to Bush. I won't give a dime to Nader or anything associated with him after that.
    Your gardening sucks and your avocados ain't fruitin'. -- Sappho the Maestro

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by flurps View Post
    My last job was basically to read various microsoft tech support websites over the phone to a nonstop river of humanity that was too dumb to look it up themselves, while pretending that I was an "engineer". If any problem ran outside the purview of the ready-made material, or the provided solution didn't work (frequent), the only search engine available was bing, and you couldn't actually click on any of the links unless it was part of a microsoft website, otherwise you would get an "access denied" page. 50% of the time the customers would just say something like "this is bullshit" and hang up if they had any software or network problem any trickier than needing a restart.

    I had to get up at 4:30 am every day and walk past a disabled employee in a wheelchair who lived in the company parking lot in an RV, who had been there for 6 years, and "loved it". To access the "resources" of this glorious tech support Valhalla I had to come in to work early, go through the setup process for Windows 8 on a new user in order to simply clock in, and then use literally five different logins before I could even begin work, six if you include logging into the phone. If you were seen with a cellphone you would be automatically fired, and bathroom breaks were discouraged.

    In the unfortunate (this was a banned word in the office that I relish the ironic use of) event that we actually reached a point where I couldn't help a customer any further according to documentation, the process to hand them off to a more qualified individual required filling out several paragraphs of paperwork while keeping them on the phone, then waiting 15-20 minutes for a bearded, morbidly obese supervisor with a ponytail and ten other workers ahead of me to stroll around, tell me that I filled out the paperwork wrong, come back, and another 20 minutes later- after going through the entire troubleshooting process again from beginning to end in front of them- finally initialing and OKing the process after much inspired shit talking with the mute button on. All while I was expected to gently coo into the customer's ear and make on-topic microsoft related smalltalk and/or sales pitches. This process would typically take around an hour to complete, and at the end of the call I would be rewarded with another nonstop torrent of customers, all with no idea what kind of Kafkaesque situation they were walking into and I with no way of warning them.

    In the end, the only thing I found surprising was that they had not yet figured out a way to make us take calls during lags in conversation with other calls. Every manager was either an alcoholic or a cokefiend, and everyone smoked green or brown outside in the snow under what looked like a stolen bus shelter. Every "team" had at least one meth head. The downstairs bathrooms had showers that I assume were there to accommodate employees who were homeless or slept in their cars, in order to supply the company with an adequate stream of adequately desperate chattel to replace the incumbents who broke down at a fairly predictable rate.

    The parking lot was covered in fast food garbage and cigarette butts, every car either needed bodywork or had a bumper sticker emphatically placed on the place that needed bodywork, the parking spaces were all too small giving each driver about a foot of door clearance on either side to slither out of their cars with, the exterior of the Hitleriffic Brutalist work bunker in question had darkened windows that made noon look like sunset from the inside, creepy LED lighting, was stained with mold, the elevators didn't work, the fire exit was locked, and magnetic sensors placed around the building audibly tracked your ID tag as you moved throughout it, like a cavernous, sentient, malevolent spaceworm. It produced a series of clicking noises which followed you down the hallway ever reminding you that you were being paid to work inside of a giant lime green and purple grape kool-aid painted panopticon. A Hollywood Video call center manager was rumored to have killed himself inside the building shortly before it was sold in 2010 to my employer which happened to be newly acquired again by another larger BPO that purchased it around the time of my departure during an employee vomiting epidemic.

    Nightmares are real.
    The basic job I do isn't that much different, but the working conditions are so much better, and the management much more hands off. Anyway, I hope you know that some good came of your time there, in that you provide me with a source of gratitude, knowing it could be so much worse.

  9. #19
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mxx View Post
    Spanish/English Interpreter at a chicken plant. Smells that rot the very soul. Sights that make you question your humanity. I didn't last long.
    If it was anything like the egg farms I've delivered empty cartons to--you left out the part where you have to park half a mile away to make sure you don't leave with a dozen or more flies in your vehicle. First thing I did after visiting such places was get a good mile or so away and spend half an hour to an hour getting the fuckers out.

    They tended toward large and belligerent, so it took some negotiating. Fortunately, they aren't very bright and actually believed I'd "be right back with some good shit".

  10. #20
    libertine librarian sandwitch's Avatar
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    I worked 3 days at a Taco Del Mar. The manager was aggressively insecure, or something, and would look over my shoulder yelling criticism about my burrito rolling. After the customer left, he would instruct me to scrimp on measuring rice and beans. FWIW, I'm a fucking pro at rolling burritos- that guy was an asshole.

    I worked almost two months at a preschool in Egypt. Some upper-middle class families thought that having an American around would teach their kids English. I had two Egyptian helpers who quite rightly resented the fact that I got the job just by walking in. Although I would try to speak in Arabic with them, they rarely spoke to me and would never relay messages about schedule changes. I also had 20 punk preschool kids simultaneously attacking each other and crying. It doesn't help that I kind of dislike children. I was really bad at it, and expected to be fired anytime the principle asked to speak with me.

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